Guest damo1 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 ok i love paddy and mick jokes so i will tell 1 and then you can add some.. rite paddy is behind a lorry when he flashes the driver "oh driver ya loosing ya load!" driver ov lorry does nothing 3 miles down again paddy says "oh driver ya loosing ya load!" AGAIN the lorry driver does and says nothing. another 3 miles down road and paddy drops agear races up and shouts "BE-JESUS DRIVER IM TELLING YA LOOSING YA LOAD".. DRIVER OPENS WINDOW AND SAYS "look you thick irish idiot IM A GRITTER...........:D:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hiten55 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 An Englishman, irishman, and Scott walk into a bar. Bartender looks up at them and says "is this some kind of joke!????" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Pmsl!!! a man breaks down on M1 and see's paddy driving so he flags him down and says" paddy ive got these monkeys in my van if i give you £100 will you take them to the zoo 4 me" sure thing pal says paddy... 5 hours later the man still by the road sees paddy driving with the monkeys still in the back. so flags him down again and says "OH paddy i thought i told you to take em to the zoo?" paddy replies and says " well i did but i got £30 left so im taking them to the cinema!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 paddy and murphy go to alton towers they go to a rollercoaster when murphy says paddy if we go on that do you think we will fall out? padyy replies "will we hell wev'e being friends for years...:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_jekyll Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 paddy and murphy walking down the street, paddy picks up a mirror he saw on the floor . he looks in the mirror and says " i know this fella , but i cant put my finger on who it is " "let me have a look" replies murphy paddy hands murph the mirror " you silly fook" says murphy.........."thats me" thank you , here all week Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerkyboy18 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory the manager asks , have you worked with chemicals before ? yes paddy replied . the manager asks can you tell me what NITRATE is ?paddy replies thats easy time and ahalf:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Paddy goes for a job working with horses.. manager says have you ever shoed horses? no replies paddy but i once told a donkey to fook off!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suprab1 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Few good ones there. keep them coming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porky1978 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Paddy sees Murphy in the pub. He says 'Listen mate, next time you are giving the missus one, it might be an idea to close the curtains before you do the deed. The whole street saw you at it last night.' Murphy replies 'Dont be stupid. I wasn't even home last night!!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Rooney tells coleen that john terry has shafted every england players wife except 1!! colleen replies" yeh i bet its posh spice that stuck up cow".....:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 which is the odd 1 out? a crab a lobster a shark or a scouser? answer a shark as the other 3 all wear shellsuits and pinch like fook:p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 murphy is in court for a double murder!!! judge says you are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer!! paddy at the back shouts CUNT!!! the room goes silent, the judge are also charged with killing your wifes lover to death with a hammer. again paddy shouts "you fooking cunt.. the judge having enough looks at paddy and says " sir i understand your anger at this crime but i will have no more outbursts, if youhave anything to say say it now!!. paddy stands up and replies "ive lived next door to him for 15years and everytime and everything i asked to borrow a fooking hammer he sed he didnt have 1............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Paddy and Mick are walking down the street, Paddy turns to Mick and says "could be worse, we could be from West Yorkshire"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobbeh Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 damo is on a mission Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markylee Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Have you heard the one about an irish woodworm ................found dead in a brick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Paddy and Mick are walking down the street, Paddy turns to Mick and says "could be worse, we could be from West Yorkshire"... thats not nice im from west yorkshire... girl guy and girl on first date go 4 a drink, later in ther car kissing and touching she says" i want to to kiss me somewhere dirty and smelly guy says " hell no im not driving to liverpool at this time ov night.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 penis says to his balls " rite lads get ready im taking you both to a party" FOOKING LIAR" REPLIES THE BALLS you always go inside and leave us banging on the back door... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 englishman scotsman and an asylum seeker go to work on a farm but theres only 2 beds left so1 has to sleep in the stable. englishman says he'll do it but 5mins later he returns saying he cant stand the smell ov the donkey, the jock offers but again returns 5mins later saying the stench is impossible to cope with. the asylum seeker takes his turn, then 5 mins later theres a knock and a voice at the door "OPEN UP QUICK PLEASE ITS THE DONKEY!!!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 this sexy looking bird looked at my beer belly in the pub last night and said is that carlsberg or tetleys? i sed well theres a tap underneath if you wanna taste it:clap: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suprab1 Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Paddy & Mick were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Paddy , 'but we don't have a ladder.' The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, And laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her Pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' And walked away. Mick shook his head and laughed. ' Well now! Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barneybrendan Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 paddy and murphy walking in the woods,paddy falls down a hole.murphy shouts is it dark down there.paddy replies i dont know i cant see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvteye Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Welshman, Scotsman and Irish guys talking in a pub (they got rid of the Englishman earlier:p) Taffy says, I came home earlier and the daughters bag was on the floor so I picked it uo and a packet of fags fell out, I didn't even know she smoked! Jock said, that's funny coz when I came home the daughter had left her coat on the chair and when I went to hang it up a hip flask fell out of the pocket, and I didn't even know she drank. Paddy says that's unbelievable, as just before I left the house I had to go in the daughters bedroom to close the window and on her bedside table was a packet of condoms. I didn't even know she had a cock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soop Dogg Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 thats not nice im from west yorkshire... No s*!t Sherlock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jevansio Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 Paddy goes to buy a Fast & Furious replica but gets gazuumed by a fit bird Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jas Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 A blonde from essex named paddy walks into a bar with a indian, an englishman and your mamas so fat, she knocked on the door, whos there? ..."i knew a girl like that once" replied the pope as his monkey was arrested! ...sorry folks, my automated joke machines on the blink again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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