Humor, i'll give you humor!!!

[MaveriK]

Sorry if these have been posted before but they always make me cry with the giggles.

 

Enjoy

 

Theses are true extracts from insurance claim forms. These are NEW

 

> (mostly), and are the collection made by a UK Insurance firm for their

> annual Christmas magazine.

 

> "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought".

 

 

> "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

 

> Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

 

> A: Travelled by bus??

 

 

> A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and

answers on the claim form were:

 

> Q - What warning was given by you?

 

> A - Horn

 

> Q - What warning was given by the other party?

 

> A - Mooo

 

 

> "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

 

>

 

> "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

 

> "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

 

>

 

> "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

 

> "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

 

> Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature

 

> A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

 

> "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

 

> "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

 

> "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

 

> "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

 

> "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

 

 

> "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

 

 

> "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its

intention."

 

 

> "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it"

 

 

> "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

 

> "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face".

 

 

> "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

 

 

> "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

 

> "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

 

 

> "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

 

 

> "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

 

 

> "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

 

 

> "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

 

 

> "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

 

 

> "I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

 

> "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

 

> "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"

 

 

> "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

 

> "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

 

[MR.B]

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

 

LMAO

[CJ]

Very good

[Scoboblio]

Class!

[Seb]

I was actually crying with laughter reading those, brilliant.

[RedM]

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

 

Brilliant.