Rob_Mitchell Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 What's ET short for? 'cos he's only got little legs! what ET stand for?? because he aint got a chair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lbm Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 I got in a taxi and said "Driver, King Arthur's close". He said "Don't worry, I'll lose him at the next set of traffic lights". Sounds like a Tim Vine gag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest -Browny- Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me im going in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snooze Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 What do you call a man with no shins Tony What do you call a w***er with no shins? Tony Hancock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 Every time my wife gives me a blow job, she turns her face away at the last second...I keep telling her it spoils it for me, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buster Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 why are pirates pirates.......? coz they arrrrrrr im leaving now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Every time my wife gives me a blow job, she turns her face away at the last second...I keep telling her it spoils it for me, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcAB10 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 whats the best thing about fu*king fifty six year olds? there's fifty of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L18msy Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I shagged a girl the other night with eczema She had cracking tits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buster Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Pulled a chinese girl the other night at a bar after taking her back to my place she striped naked and said you can do anything to me! so i said how about a 69 i got a slap and told she was'nt cooking for me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lbm Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I suspected for some time now that the Mrs has been cheating. The usual signs - phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot...I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the motorbike when she came home...she got out of someone's car, she was buttoning her blouse, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the bike I noticed it...a hairline crack in the engine mounting bracket...Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy442 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 A man walks into a bar. Ouch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st3ven1 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 A priest is checking into a hotel when he says to the concierge: I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled. The concierge replies: No, it's just regular porn you sick bastard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiceRocket Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Lbm's repost Was that deliberate as I expected better from you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 What do you call a bloke with no arms and legs floating in a tub of boiling water ? Stu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUPRALOOPY Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 I had the police on the phone the other day saying it looks like my wife has been in an accident. I said I know but she has a great personality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hackin_n_bashin Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 I'm shagging a disabled Vietnamese girl. She loves me mong time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Why have milking stools only got three legs ? 'Cos the cows got the udder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminator Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 A Vicar walks into a butchers shop, the butcher says, "What can I get you?" The Vicar says "I'll have a loaf of bread". The butcher replies, "This is a butchers shop!" The Vicar smiles, "That's OK my bikes outside." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Husband and wife at home getting ready for bed when the husband says, "why do I get an erection, when I stand in front of the mirror naked", wife replies "because you're a c*nt" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Hear about the constipated mathmatician....he worked it out with a pencil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminator Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Two beautiful young women were walking around sight seeing in Cyprus on a blisteringly-hot sunny day. They were both getting hotter and hotter and desperate to find a way to cool off a little. They passed a old woman eating watermelon, sitting on a chair out side her little cottage, she had her knickers hung over the arm of the chair. The two young women walked over towards the old woman and asked her if she was any cooler by not wearing any panties. The old woman looked suspiciously the two young women and croaked. "Well I don't know if I am any cooler but it sure does keep the flies off my watermelon!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angarak Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 This year I bought my girlfriend some pink slippers and a dildo, if she doesnt like the slippers she can go and f**k herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damo1 Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 the asian kids next door to me have just challenged me to a waterfight, so im just posting on here while the kettle boils... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminator Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 That was bit of a show stopper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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