CJ Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "there is nothing left to lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour- Chris Scaife Whats all this nonsense about that 66-year old Romaninan woman being the worlds oldest mum? My mums 77, beat that! Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife’s minge. He hasn't see my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? - P Boddington Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had one month to live. Thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son who shares the same name. Close call, yours What is it with diabetics? One minute their on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and they say " no thanks, I'm diabetic". I wish they'd get their story straight. I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo. Why don't NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time. Why is it that pubs won't serve me when I'm drunk, but Mcdonalds continue serving them fat f*#ckers! It's hardly fair! Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professer Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blatherin on about galaxies for hours and never saw his lips move once! Genius. The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar. If, as Freddie Merucury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics? These so called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the Blitz but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London.That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe- Werner Hoffman, Munich I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (in all weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to. Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700ft bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore. So Sting can shag his wife for 5 hours without going off. I know how he feels, my wife is no oil painting either. I heard recently that on average Gordon Brown receives two turds in the post each week. All I want to know is.................who is sending the other one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p111ddy Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Ahh Viz. Great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Vintage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcAB10 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomgeer Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pot Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Good work CJ, there's a few facebook statuses in there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Good work CJ, there's a few facebook statuses in there Indeed my friend. I recently used the diabetic one myself as a tongue in cheek comment (I am a diagnosed diabetic) and it led to friends asking if I was OK and if I was having problems with my sugar levels Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supradan Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 The stephen hawking one is class:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 The diabetes one did make me laugh a lot, I must admit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogmaw Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I haven't missed a copy since 1989. Beat that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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