At the doctors

[Chris Wilson]

Doc - "Hello, how can I help you?"

 

Man - "I've got an orange willy!"

 

Doc - "What?"

 

Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."

 

Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up. Ah, it seems it could be a sign

 

of stress; do you suffer from stress?"

 

Man - "Not really" Doc - "What about stress at work?" Man - "Well, I did

 

have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss, I worked 80 hours

 

week for pennies and then I got the sack" Doc - "That sounds very

 

stressful."

 

Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great, half the hours, 3 times the salary

 

and I feel really appreciated"

 

Doc - "Hmm, what about your home life?"

 

Man - "Well, my girlfriend was a complete cow, she nagged non-stop and

 

put me down every chance she got."

 

Doc - "That sounds stressful"

 

Man - "Yeah, but I left her and I've never been happier."

 

Doc - "I see, what about your social life?"

 

Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."

 

Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"

 

Man - "Watch porn and eat Wotsits."

[MaveriK]

Right back at ya!!!!

The 7 dwarfs went to the Vatican, and because they are "THE DWARFS," They are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.

 

"Son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?" Dopey replies, "Excuse me, your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question,thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

 

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

 

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time, all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

 

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back to the Pope and says,

"Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

 

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting

 

"Dopey f***ed a penguin!...Dopey f***ed a penguin!"

[CJ]

The first one was OK, the second excellent!

[Jspec Germany]

Hillarious.

 

Two Georgians (The U.S. State) who happen to be devout catholics, (a black guy and a white redneck BTW-to avoid any racial-bigotry accusations) one day to decide to visit the Vatican to see the Pope. They pack up everything they need to feel comfortable in a foreign land, complete with standard BBQ requirements. They make the long journey to Italy and set up camp out front of the Pope's window complete with Budweiser, fried chicken, and lawn chairs. As the Pope comes to the window he looks over all the people and stares at the two Georgians. He points at them and motions with the come here finger. One Georgian says to the other, "Well, I guess I better go see what he wants." The other gets scared and goes and hides. He watches in amazement as the pope gives him the cross of blessing with his hand. As the Georgian returns from his chat with the Pope the other says, "Wow man, the pope just blessed you!". The guy replies, "No you moron." He said, "Take you, your friend, and all that crap, and get out of my country."

[Scoboblio]

LOL, thanks guys, those've really brightened up my afternoon