Fifty Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 About 5 years ago my friend sold up next door. Its a large farmhouse cottage which shares an access lane with my place. In moves rat like English man married to Pakistani. Almost daily they complained about everything such as "your dog has brushed its body on our bushes" Wendy and I are thinking WTF. Oh and "you cant strole down our lane you must walk quickly to your house!!!" " you cant wash your car because the water runs onto outr land etc. Totally f**k wits. Some time ago the sheep they have (for dinner) kept coming in our garden and eating our plants. Eventually he penned them in - now he has killed them and eaten them. Wendy just spent hours putting nice plants at the front of our house; now this guys chickens have scratched them up. She complained and I went into their garden to shut them into the pen; while Mrs Pakistan was watching. Went out side for a fag last night; he comes steaming out of the back door accusing me of tresspassing WTF. I responded by saying I would tear his head off and stick it up his arse!! lol. He said "are you threatening me and I said YES. He said he was going to call the police so I sdaid "do what you ****** like you twat. Nice eh. Surely I have thre right to prottect my belongings. So the next time I see him should I 1. Apologise 2. Actually tear his head off. rant over 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieSteve Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Head removal by the sounds of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Mate, you're just not having much luck are you? I know what damage chickens do, my sister has some and they got out of their "area" and totally buggered her nice lanscaped garden, she was annoyed enough and they were her own chickens so you must have been livid! I vote for "accidentally" letting your dog out when the chickens are loose.... And also let them get the police involved, start keeping a record of every stupid thing they say time/date and so on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyJawa Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 The chickens are his property and as such he is liable for any damage to anything on your property that they have caused. Next time actually rip his head off mate......... ...........then shit down his throat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 An unrully neighbour can seriously poison your life. I'd do whatever I can to patch things up and have a truce. Hard, I know, but go there and ask them to re-start your relationship, ask them what really pisses them off and tell them what really pisses YOU off. Most probably you two can live together in harmony, doesn't look that you're too close for comfort, it's a farmhouse after all, not a flatshare! Threats and 'accidental' vandalism will only escalate things and make all of you look like fools when the police are called. Believe me, this approach works, and I'm not the most diplomatic of people, or the easiest to live with --- but you can't chose your neighbours OR your relatives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Peace Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Beat him around the head with the Jubilee edition of Country Life magazine...thats garenteed to hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 start feeding and encouraging the local fox's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 Local foxes are useless theres loads of em but they dont like chicken lol TBH theres been hundreds of little things and Ive had enough of the little weasel. Im a very patient and friendly person and always try to reconcile but this is too much now. Actually their house it at one point very close less than 2 metres at our back door with shared alley between the properties. What pisses me off is that we live in an idyllic place and hes is ruining it. Some months ago the twat cut down all the perimeter trees; a crime in my opinion; I called the authorities but they did nothing. Oh BTW I am a colonialist AND racist - they always try that one on. Head off it is. LOL 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I think John's idea is a good one - go round with some lemonade (Muslims - no drinking?) If they are mad (and it sounds like they are) it will not make much diference - but if recorded that you atempted it - then worth a try! Then afterwards beat him round the head Might be worthwhile letting the missus go round and talk to the woman first? Bit of lets knock our sil husbands heads together crap etc? Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Yeah, you can always go nuts and beat/burn/maim/dismember them afterwards if all else doesn't work (saw the new version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night, bet those neighbours were worse) It's just worth trying the 'civilised' approach first, if you really make an effort, it might actually work. This guy obviously has a chip or two on his shoulder, judging from his non-colonial choices. Maybe you can pick up his 'weak' points and bring him into a cooperative mode, it's not that difficult, wild/unrully/asshole/antisocial people can sometimes become real good friends, if you push the right buttons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 Guys believe me weve tried ALL that; Wendy even gave her some good plants last week. She just took them and didnt say thanks at all. They are scum and I am not going to reconcile again. Having said that I have better things to do than worry about him really so I think cold approach is what is going to happen. If he comes at me again hes gonna be flat. 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Peace Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 It sounds to me like he HAS got a chip on his shoulder.. Playing the 'Racist' card in this particular situation gives me the impression that he feels very insecure about his Interacial relationship, and they both may of been the victims of taunts or jibes from locals and may just assume that everyone including yourself are of the same attitude. I'm sure all they want at the end of the day is to be accepted for who they are and loved..they may be fairly new to Country living and are prob feeling a little isolated and defensive. The only reason I am saying this is because I had some friends that were a mixed race couple who lived in somerset and the amount of abuse they got was unbelievable there are an awful lot of ignorant people in the country and i was brought up in the W Country so I'm allowed to get away with saying that. You are not racist...you are intelligent and wise otherwise you wouldn't be driving a Supra ...you just need to let them know that.. Buy them a nice plant (but dont chuck it through the window he he) with a card inviting them round for some coffee...Paul E's suggestion is good so maybe that plus nice plant he he. Edited: just noticed you tried the plant ah well...ok plan B off with their heads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 If all else fails, then intimidation and (implicit) threat of untold violence is another option. Doesn't work for everyone though, you need to give out the vibes of a psycho, or else they'll think you're bluffing and call your bluff. I once had confrontations with a good neighbour fresh out of prison (GBH) who would keep taking up my driving space (private land) Nobody would mess with him, and he knew it. His friends that would occassionally visit were all 'proper' criminals with deep facial scars, openly driving around in stolen sports cars, that sort of thing. We did come head to head eventually, and I did risk getting hurt big time --- but I called his bluff. My bet was that he wouldn't dare sheet outside his doorstep, going back to porridge might be a turnoff perhaps. Plus he did realise that I am more of a nutter than he pretends to be, and he backed off. I never used a swear word though, never made a threat, always kept a straight face, always kept to cold facts (in a psycho sort of way, that he couldn't pin down though). So he didn't feel like he was losing face backing off, he kept his dignity, that's very important with low-lifes. Afterwards he bullied everyone else in the area, with me he was all smiles and laughs. I had passed the 'test' apparently, lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 There's plenty of legal precedent about livestock escaping and causing damage, so if he accuses you of trespass again, you can say you trespassed on his land to alleviate the situation, rather than take legal action...and then quote him the relevant cases and the damages you could pursue should it happen again. Who owns the driveway/accessway then? The whole "you can't stroll" is hilarious, well, I'm sure it's not hilarious to you. I reckon you'd better gen up on your trespass/nuisance law if all diplomatic attempts have failed. Cutting down trees is a damn shame but perfectly legal, unless they have TPOs imposed by the council. Even if they did have TPOs, they're gone now. Our neighbours cut all their trees down once, which removed our lovely secluded shady bottom garden, and meant our previous green view, was now just distant factories and warehouses. The neighbours reason - trees are a "fire risk." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboldham Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 you could rip his head off then apologise? R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 There's plenty of legal precedent about livestock escaping and causing damage, so if he accuses you of trespass again, you can say you trespassed on his land to alleviate the situation, rather than take legal action...and then quote him the relevant cases and the damages you could pursue should it happen again. Precisely- whats weird his wife was there and I said Ive put the chickens in the run for you.....she didnt object at the time. She did not apologise to my wife; she just said I suppose Ill have to keep them in then. Next day theyre all out again grrrr. Who owns the driveway/accessway then? They apparently own the entry lane but all other residents have access. Its pot holed to f**k now and he does nothing to repair it. My poor neighbour along has an Audi TT ouch bangs it every time he goes out. When I was in Africa I was a good shot with a 375; there is a good high ridge across from us......so tempting. 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 .Our neighbours cut all their trees down once, which removed our lovely secluded shady bottom garden, and meant our previous green view, was now just distant factories and warehouses.. Mine did that too a year and a half ago, instead of nice pine trees I now see windows and rooftops. Did I take it standing? Of course not. Just as it is within their rights to chop their trees off, it is equally within my rights to plant new ones, lleylandii as it happens, tallest ones I could fit through the garage door, lol. Cost me a few hundred quid yes, and I did have to dig, and I did have to set up an automatic watering system, drowning in them daily (unmetered), but boy do they grow fast now. It cannot even be classed as a 'hedge' because there are a couple of other tall trees in between, protected by an order from the council, I've made sure. They're unlucky in that the distance of the trees from their house is quite large, so they won't foul the new 'guidelines' for some years, even though their house is downhill so the shade affects them a lot more (the 'hedge guidelines' do not mention slope) Guess they should have not messed with the trees in the first place, now they're stuck in a silent war they can't win Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnk Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Eat his chickens !! dnk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 If any of his animals wander into your garden again, keep them. Dont let him have them back. Tell him he can have them back when he a) stops being a prick, and b) has a suitable enclosure to keep them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
attilauk Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Eat his chickens !! dnk now that sounds like a plan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 If any of his animals wander into your garden again, keep them. Dont let him have them back. Tell him he can have them back when he a) stops being a prick, and b) has a suitable enclosure to keep them. That's a good plan, because then the good neighbour will have to knock on your door and ask you to do something for him -- in which case you can make your reconciliation thoughs clear, and see if he agrees (he will be keen to have the animals back, so he'll likely agree) Don't forget that a neighbourhood feud is tiring for him as well, so he too will be relieved if there is a truce. He may want to save face, so try to give hime a decent way out of this mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Write him a truce offering note laying out how you feel and possible ways to resolve the issue... Then wrap it round a brick and launch it thru a window... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Failing that, every time one of the chickens steps over into your garden just start playing the theme music to 'Chicken Tonight', see how quickly he runs outside... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Mind you I'm an expert in diplomacy.... I remember a few years burning SupraChick's neighbours table with a cigarette... Needless it say she was slightly psychotic to begin with and went up the wall... So I did the brave/stupid thing and went next door to speak to her... Ended up walking out of her house with her laughing and smiling, she agreed to fix the table herself and offered me one of her spare parking spaces for me to park in.... Good result... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 ...offered me one of her spare parking spaces for me to park in.... Good result... does this mean what I think it means? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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