CJ Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hopefully not a repost. The following questions were allegedly from last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are allegedly genuine answers (from 16 year old boys) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U Q. What is the fibula A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure A. A Roman Emperor Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face Q. What does the word 'benign' mean A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Very good! I doubt whether they're all genuine though: for example, the 3rd from last 1) refers to an advert that most 16 year olds probably have never heard; and 2) it's too witty to have been penned by a thick person! 4th one from top is also good: whoever wrote it has a good intellect and is hiding behind a thin veneer of stupidness stupidity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 It's a racing cert they aren't genuine - but they still made me chuckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 4th one from top is also good: whoever wrote it has a good intellect and is hiding behind a thin veneer of stupidness. Michael? Some were very funny, and far too clever for a stupid 16 year old to conceive, not unlike his 15 year old girlfriend, though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Michael? Some were very funny, and far too clever for a stupid 16 year old to conceive, not unlike his 15 year old girlfriend, though! Almost as good as the funnies originally posted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benkei Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 The last but one made me spit out my tea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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