joke latest world terror updates

[bigcol]

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist

threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed"

to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross"

since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists

have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The

last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was

during the great London fire of 1666.

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France

are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a

recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively

paralysing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy

has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to

"Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective

Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only

threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Swiss have started to sharpen the spoon bit on their 'oh, so handy' army knives,

and have increased production of the large Toblerone triangles to act as tank obstacles.

All cuckoo clocks have been adapted to fire sharpened pieces of cheese every hour.

In true Swiss fashion, they have offered to sell these new weapons to all potential combatants.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish

navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of

their allies, just in case.

If this doesn't work, their next level will be 'invade another oil rich country that

'wants' to be a democracy'.

The level above that is, 'Ask the Brits for help'.

 

 

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to

"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a

squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some

toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more

level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end

riscue us".

In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather

together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

 

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to

"She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!",

"I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie

is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the

use of the final escalation level.

[MrRalphMan]

lol....

[Tony]

Very funny:D but sadly true;)

[DanBEXsupra]

early morning lols, very much appreciated!

[benkei]

Nice one!

[RobSheffield]

[stinboy]

[Guest Budz86]

Love it! Especially the about the French!

[dukenukem]

This is pure gold! Cheers

[martini]

[Kev.O]