True or myth? Who cares they're all pretty stupid!

[Bill Prawn]

RANDOM ACTS OF LUNACY ... SOME NEW ... SOME OLD

 

A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during

a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had

taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his

incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone

waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the

mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable

and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3

days.

 

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An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from

serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to

see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

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A mother took her daughter to the Doctor and asked him to give her an

examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is

pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the

Doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her

reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and

silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed,

"Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last

time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men

came. I was hoping that they would show up again."

 

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When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot

did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel

and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

 

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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a

finger. The chef's claim was approved.

 

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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him

something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a

bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate

glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then

the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the

daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened,

apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could

frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's

really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I

have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

[Fifty]

 

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