The Man Rules!

[John_M]

THE MAN RULES.

 

Women, you must understand the “man rules” if we are to have peace in our relationships. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! These are what we MEN want to say to all WOMEN! Remember it. And don’t moan. If you’re a man please pass to you’re partner for a greater understanding. If you’re a woman please keep it somewhere prominent, like on the fridge.

 

# Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

 

# Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.

 

# Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.

 

# Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

# Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to see it like that.

 

# Crying is blackmail.

 

# Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

 

# We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

 

# Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think that we‘d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

 

# Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

# Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

# A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

# Check your oil! Please.

 

# Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

# If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.

 

# If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

# Let us ogle. We’re going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

 

# You can ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

# Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

# Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

 

# All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

# If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

 

# We are not and will never be mind readers. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

 

# If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know that you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

 

# If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

 

# When we want to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

 

# Don’t ask us what we’re thinking unless you’re prepared to discus such topics as navel lint, the offside rule or motor bikes.

 

# You have enough clothes.

 

# You have too many shoes.

 

# No, you really have too many shoes.

 

# It’s neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

 

# Beer is as exciting to us as handbags are to you.

 

# I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

[Jake]

Very good!

[Timwildman]

Think my ex girlfriend should get a copy of that

[Jive]

So tempting to print that off and flash it in the gfs face everytime we have an arguement :D