GeordieSteve Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Every month the Viz has a page called Letterbocks for the readers to write in about any old bollocks! Here's a few classics! "When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nuthin' else" crooned Percy Sledge during the summer of 1966. I would have to disagree, as during sexual intercourse with my wife I routinely think about our next door neighbour Brenda and her border collie. Roger When we were at school, a mate of mine told me he used to wank off over Annalise from Neighbours. I never believed him though. Do you think you could ask her politely if she recalls being sprayed with spunk by a teenager from Yeovil, about ten years ago? Robert Graff, Shepton Mallet How come St. George got beatified for killing the rarest creature ever with a massive sword, while I get absolutely fucked by the RSPCA for slaying common frogs with a penknife? As usual, it's one law for knights in armour and another for the rest of us. Mike Bayes, Preston I'm fed up of fast food restaurant assistants telling me 'Sorry about your weight'. Do they think that just because I'm fat, i've got no feelings? Dan Halen The saying goes, 'See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck.' Well I beg to differ. Whilst picking a penny up at work the other day I was badly gored in the anus. That's not good luck in my book. The Great El Toro, Barcelona I HAVE recently started to masturbate whilst fantasising about Jeanette Krankie. My problem is that I cannot work out whether I am gay, straight or a paedophile. What do your readers think? D Barclay COULD the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les Barnsley, Barnsley HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-mil lion selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School Anal that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents. Mark Roberts The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has thrown up some interesting questions. For a start, does Shipman killing himself take his official tally up to 216, or does it count as an own goal? Where does this final score place our national champ in the world league table? Magnus, Sheffield According to Bill Bryson in his book 'A Short History of Nearly Everything', the vigorousness of a man's beard growth is proportional to the number of times he thinks about sex. This being the case, Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams ought to be ashamed of himself. Filthy beast. Mrs Yeoman, Kidderminster I would like to thank Darren of Chelsea for not coming to Au stralia with Jenny. She is a great shag. Thanks again. Baz, Bondi Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond How come my gran survived the horrors of the Blitz, but has been so badly traumatised by the clocks going back that she can't stop banging on and on about it? The stupid whispy-chinned bitch. Stuart Duncan, Email Forget Prince Harry and his fascist ways, whilst eating a Birdseye Potato Waffle the other day, I was sickened to be able to fashion a crude swastika from the compressed starch matrix. And their Alphabites are no better. After carefully selecting a plateful, I was able to spell out 'Hitler is nice' if I used a z on its side for an n. How long are the frozen food giants going to be allowed to get away with this? Billington Smyth 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away' according to the old maxim. Well, I'm married to a GP and no matter how many apples I eat the bastard keep s coming home. M Bunford Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Lmao!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 LOL. very funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J4CK50N Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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