Dave17 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 The following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. Sevilla and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place. Regardless of originations, they can be eye openers as to the mentality of those engaged in the drill... ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there.. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. =2 0 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the C ircus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I fini shed. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guigsy Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 hehe. love that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kammy Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Shane_ Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogmaw Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Good one THX for posting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merckx Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 The last one was good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Beast Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiceRocket Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 "All this has happened before, and will happen again" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Something to cheer me up after a crap day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 "All this has happened before, and will happen again" Which is a fancy BSG style way of saying 'Repost'! If they just stated that in the programme, it would've saved a lot of time and effort, but wouldn't been such great viewing as it has been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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