bigcol Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 ZEN TEACHINGS 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is listening until you fart. 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it. 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen. 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement. 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just get worse. 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missile Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Ha, Some very amusing ones in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 As a student of Zen philosophies I've find this post offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigcol Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 i blame the immigrants:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benkei Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I don't know why, but number 7 made me laugh the most... It's not even that funny... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRACIE_LOU Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 agreed as above! some hilarious:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I don't know why, but number 7 made me laugh the most... It's not even that funny... It's from Jack Handey who I don't believe was a following of Zen teaching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I just hope that our dear Carl_S doesn't take these teachings literally, as I don't think I can cope with any more of that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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