Pete Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Aside from the usual "what a b*st@rd" comments, the situation is this. Renting off his brother at £500 a month. Things have been dodgy since Aug, finally he said that it's over. Sounds to me like he's knocking someone else off. He doesn't have a bean to his name and not had a proper job as long as I've known him. They have two wonderful kids aged 5 and 2. She's jobless, seeing a psychiatrist and taking pills for stress and penniless. I believe she's claiming some kind of benefits but I'm not sure what. If she moves back with the parents would that affect what she can claim? I'm not sure if she would given that Matthew would need to find a new school, and he's having hard enough time as it is. He's telling people at school he doesn't have a daddy anymore and he's the man of the house, then telling my sister that he'll take care of her. He's five!! He doesn't want to go to school each morning and is off his food. Has anyone had experience of this nightmare before? I'm hoping you guys can offer some advice on what she should or shouldn't do next in terms of the law, government help etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilicos Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Firstly she should stay put at the brother-in-laws house. If she leaves now she could lose any chance of receiving housing allowance etc. She needs to go to the local CAB or council advice service and give them the facts. She needs to make them aware that her partner has left her alone with the children and will not contribute towards the up-keep etc. She also has to mention that her landlord is getting agitated and she cannot borrow any more money from her family as they have lent her all they can afford and she has become a burden on them. She must also play the 'disturbed child' card and be adamant that forcing a move would be impossible as she feels that this will exacerbate the problem. They should take immediate action given the circumstances. I am an accountant and the advice I am giving is purely based on what I have dealt with in the past. This should get the ball rolling, but make sure she acts fast. P.S. She MUST be persistant and 'bother' the council every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero-M Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 This happened to my sister last year. Her husband had been hitting her for a while, This got sorted out by me and my brother and he left, My sister never said he hurt the children, but was concerned that he may. She moved home for a little while, It took a few weeks but she got a nice little flat and benefits. My parents live about 80 miles from her, It therfore wasn't ideal for the kids school, her friends etc for them to move in with them permanently. Your sister will need to check what she is entitled to, But will be looked after as she has children. Hope it all works out for them all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tony tt Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Firstly she should stay put at the brother-in-laws house. If she leaves now she could lose any chance of receiving housing allowance etc. She needs to go to the local CAB or council advice service and give them the facts. She needs to make them aware that her partner has left her alone with the children and will not contribute towards the up-keep etc. She also has to mention that her landlord is getting agitated and she cannot borrow any more money from her family as they have lent her all they can afford and she has become a burden on them. She must also play the 'disturbed child' card and be adamant that forcing a move would be impossible as she feels that this will exacerbate the problem. They should take immediate action given the circumstances. I am an accountant and the advice I am giving is purely based on what I have dealt with in the past. This should get the ball rolling, but make sure she acts fast. P.S. She MUST be persistant and 'bother' the council every day. Thats good advice. Sounds like little mathew has a heart of gold these situations are never easy hope it works out for your sis and her kids mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 OMG firstly, what an awful situation. Second awww bless Matthew, the little fella sounds very mature for his age. Hope she gets it all sorted. Do you think the moving to your parents option is the best one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STU_3LTR_TT Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I rent a house out to a single mother with one child the rent is £550per calender month, she gets £490 off the housing benefits,she makes up the rest. my advise would be to stop where she is,she has a roof over her head,she might find shes better off financially with out him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilicos Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 OMG firstly, what an awful situation. Second awww bless Matthew, the little fella sounds very mature for his age. Hope she gets it all sorted. Do you think the moving to your parents option is the best one? If she leaves and moves in with her parents she goes onto the non-critical list and the council will fob her off and let the family foot the cost of supporting them. I rent a house out to a single mother with one child the rent is £550per calender month, she gets £490 off the housing benefits,she makes up the rest. my advise would be to stop where she is,she has a roof over her head,she might find shes better off financially with out him. Exactly. This is why I said she needs to stay put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Wow - some great advice. I'm indebted to you thanks. I'll pass this valuable advice on. She's usually a very strong person - but this has really knocked her off her feet. I feel so bad for her and especially the kids. I can't believe the stuff Matthew is coming out with - it's stuff of movies that you think is cheesy and no real kid would say...but he has! Emmas all a bit too young to understand it all at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatsupraTT Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I agree she stay where she is,if ever she does have to give up the house the council should house her but if she lives with parents then it will take longer and they might not bother houseing her,she should be able to get lone parent benefit too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liam1 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 make sure the child benefit (there is no more lone parent child benefit) is in her name i used to work for the child benefit for many years the last thing she wants is the payments for the children going to someone else if it is in her ex partners name tell her to apply for it now in can take months to swap it over to her name, also contact the tax credit office she may be entitled to more tax credits too 0845 300 900. hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazboy Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Is it definitely a one sided "he's a bastard" sketch? One thing I've learnt from various family, friends and collegues splitting up is that it's hardly ever a one sided deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveR Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Dude --- Kate here, I used to work in housing and council tax benefit so can hopefully help a little. If she wants to stay in the same house the tenancy agreement needs to be in her sole name, housing benefit (although its now called Local Housing Allowance) won't pay for a house that is in either his name/joint names as she needs to have sole responsibility for the rent. If she wants to move but stay in the same area then she could rent a house for her and the kids and then claim LHA (although it can take a few weeks to sort out the claim). If she has the kids and isn't working, then she can claim income support as a lone parent and also child tax credits for the kids. If its permanent tell her to get onto the CSA too as even if he isn't working he should still be supporting the kids financially. Best places to go for advice are either CAB or Jobcentre Plus (I know they get a lot of stick but when I was a single parent I found them really really helpful). Hope this helps a bit, if you/she needs any more specific info then shout and I'll be happy to give any advice I can. Your nephew sounds a sweetheart bless him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 make sure the child benefit (there is no more lone parent child benefit) Already sorted that one thanks. Is it definitely a one sided "he's a bastard" sketch? One thing I've learnt from various family, friends and collegues splitting up is that it's hardly ever a one sided deal. Having not spoken to him it's difficult to say. Without going into too much details there's a lot of odd things been going on. Dude --- Kate here, I used to work in housing and council tax benefit so can hopefully help a little. If she wants to stay in the same house the tenancy agreement needs to be in her sole name, housing benefit (although its now called Local Housing Allowance) won't pay for a house that is in either his name/joint names as she needs to have sole responsibility for the rent. If she wants to move but stay in the same area then she could rent a house for her and the kids and then claim LHA (although it can take a few weeks to sort out the claim). If she has the kids and isn't working, then she can claim income support as a lone parent and also child tax credits for the kids. If its permanent tell her to get onto the CSA too as even if he isn't working he should still be supporting the kids financially. Best places to go for advice are either CAB or Jobcentre Plus (I know they get a lot of stick but when I was a single parent I found them really really helpful). Hope this helps a bit, if you/she needs any more specific info then shout and I'll be happy to give any advice I can. Your nephew sounds a sweetheart bless him. Thanks Kate, I'll pass that on. Steve - your input was rubbish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiefgroover Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Is it definitely a one sided "he's a bastard" sketch? One thing I've learnt from various family, friends and collegues splitting up is that it's hardly ever a one sided deal. Have to aggree with this. The last two years in particular I had the chance to get both sides of some storys. IN both cases where the male looked the offender, it turned out the females attitude was "I hate you - dont leave me" and after enough abuse the male moved on. If I had settled for the female side only I would of been well fooled. It goes both ways, you need to hear both sides, bit sad but is when it gets this far, relationship recovery is unlikely, not fair on the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 It goes both ways, you need to hear both sides, bit sad but is when it gets this far, relationship recovery is unlikely, not fair on the kids. I don't really care whose fault it is to be honest. I just want them to be financially sound and the kids taken care of well. I'll obviously help where I can, it's kind of nice to think that the tax I pay is ending up to someone I know for a change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiefgroover Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 it's kind of nice to think that the tax I pay is ending up to someone I know for a change. That actually comforts me a little when the Govt rapes me again at the end of the month lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 That actually comforts me a little when the Govt rapes me again at the end of the month lol. Tell you what, shall we stop paying tax and form our own little club to help ourselves and families? I guess a nice little commune like that Village film from M Night Shamalyn would be good. We could have our own race track around the outside and set our own speed limits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiefgroover Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Tell you what, shall we stop paying tax and form our own little club to help ourselves and families? I guess a nice little commune like that Village film from M Night Shamalyn would be good. We could have our own race track around the outside and set our own speed limits. Excellent idea, except the revenue would seize everything in site if we dont pay lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 She just called me. A girl came around to her house last night and told her he'd been having an affair since August. She's in bits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveR Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 That was nice of said girl. After a friend of mine had her husband walk out on her at Christmas one year, I found out that he'd been cheating on her before they split up. I have never told her, it wouldn't do any good. 2 years later she's more than over him, has moved on and is much happier. Your sister will get to that situation in the end Pete. I found offering to go round and talk about nothing or watching TV was helpful, otherwise she was just sat thinking about the situation and getting more and more depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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