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Okay, lets hear your 'stupid moments' !!!


Muffleman

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I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth.

It took bloody ages of soaking my face in celulose thinners to get the superglue off as well.

 

Think that is one of the funniest things i have ever heard. Absolutely brilliant :tongue:

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well when i was a nipper 15, i use to be in scouts and you build big fires. I was a amateur and didnt have hiking boots like the other kids :( i had wellies.

 

well when the fire got down to small flames and very hot embers, we use to kind of walk and jump around on them, we called it the fire dance.

 

its GREAT...when in hiking boots. wellies i can confirm shrink. So there i am at end of night i go to take my wellies off in middle of field and i cant the things have shrunk to my feet.

 

By this stage everyone is a bit too drunk and decided it best to melt them off, so they carry me out and dangle my feet over edge of fire to heat up the wellies to pull them off.

 

...25mins later trip to casulty to have them cut off :D

 

also when i was 7 caught my tom johnson in my zipper, i refuse to re-live this memory thanks :eek:

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Installed a vending machine about two year ago and noticed that the light hadn't come on on the front.

On closer inspection I noticed that a wire was hanging down in the door so I grabbed hold of it.

( not yet! )

Whilst holding it I started to look to see where it had come from and in doing so I lent on the door with my other hand. There creating the circuit!

Mate came back into the room after getting something to see me sitting on the other side of the room from the vender looking a little dazed.....

 

This is just one of many.

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not me this time, but my dad.

 

doing some DIY with his trusted Black & Decker belt sander and decided to hold the sander in the work bench using the lock button to keep the belt running at full power whilst he lent over to grab a towel.

Opppsss....

first it grabbed his jumper, then t-shirt and now firmly attached to his clothing slowly ran up his chest and finally started to clog up with junk and stop just under his chin.

 

I was in the kitchen drinking tea when I saw my dad waddling down the path with a sander and work mate attached to his chest.

 

After I unscrewed the nuts holding the sander case and cut off his shirt and jumper I managed to pull the unit off. Dad had nice smooth red bar running across his chest

 

For about a month later I called him robin (as in Robin red breast)

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:gayfight:

 

I went to local village store in a very scruffy state one day; threw a fag packet into a bin at the side of the shop and just knew Id thrown a quid with it.

I started to look in the top of the bin for the coin (as you do).

Next thing this old dear comes up and offers me a fiver to buy some FOOD lol

 

50

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Sure i've got loads, but i once went pick up my big ginger irish friend in my car before heading off into town for a big night out. Well we're going through Shephards Bush when he says to pull over so that he could go to McDonalds. So he jumps out to grab a burger and i start chatting with my mates. A minute or 2 goes by and eventually he reappears, walks accross the pavement, up to the car infront of mine, opens the door, gets in and closes the door. Now we're laughing our heads off, but he doesn't come out straight away. I tell you, i nearly pissed myself. So he finally re-emerges and comes back to the right car this time. Turned out he got in the car, closed the door and then took a bite of hie burger. He then looked round to a car full of what he discribed as Triads asking what he was doing. Nothing really fazes him, so he just looked around, said sorry and just left.

 

There's also the time my dad got attacked by a squirrel in out garden and my mum got here leg shaver stuck to her leg.

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only one i can think of, i was working in someones house trying to repair their boiler. Had my multimeter out checking to make sure there was power going to the boiler. Its a multimeter with the adjustable dial to change voltage etc. Its usually always on 240v but somehow it had been changed to a lower setting. As soon as i touched the terminals KABOOM! blew myself, my multimeter up and tripped the fuseboard. On my new multimeter ive actually wrote on it to make sure i check the voltage every time i use it! :D

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lies lies lies :tongue:

 

hows the car mate, finished since last time (de-arialed etc..)

 

ok ok,ive got a few, actually worse than that but not sure i can put them up :D

 

Not finished yet mate. Just spent loads on her a month ago (over a grand) and she runs like a new car now but the bodywork still needs to be done. Hope to have it done by May/June :woot:

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Not finished yet mate. Just spent loads on her a month ago (over a grand) and she runs like a new car now but the bodywork still needs to be done. Hope to have it done by May/June :woot:

If you come and sort my plumbing out, you can earn enough to get it doen sooner :thumbs:

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This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.

She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.

She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.

 

I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.

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Years ago i used to share a house in Ealing with some friends.

It was a kind of student digs type place and one Easter, the Landlord decided to treat us to a new three piece sofa.

 

So the old one went out into the back garden. We wnet down the pub for an afternoon drink, and I drank a bit more than usual and was feeling quite jovial.

When we got back i thought it would be a good idea to dispose of the sofa by setting fire to it.

 

I gave it a few goes but it didn't really go up....then it caught.... :flame: .

 

Sh1t i thought hmm better put this out before it really goes. So i casually sauntered into the kitchen and came out with a pint glass of water and f*uck my boots it had really got going. Flames were about 20 feet high, next doors fence and garage were on fire and the trees were beginning to catch.

 

Trumpton duly attended and put the inferno out, but next door's garage and fence were completely gutted. When head Trumpton asked me how it started i thought i'd better tell the truth otherwise investigation...Old Bill....arsonist....

 

:tongue:

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This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.

She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.

She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.

 

I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.

 

Am FROTFLMFAO @ that one!!! For everything else theres Mastercard!!!!

 

PMSL!! :D:D:D:D

 

:needspic: ;)

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LMAO!!!

this is great, its like 'Pub talk' :)

 

thought of another one.

 

board at work and I decide to make a parcel tape base ball for a quick game of catch in the store room.

I chuck this rock hard ball of tape to an another guy and hit him bang in the nuts.

As he rolls around in pain I just watch on laughing.

After he regains composure he throws it back.

So I pick up the ball and before he can react SMACK right in the love spuds again.

I fall about laughing again but this guy starts getting mad. He walks upto this roll of bubble wrap and pulls off a few inches, turns his back to me and shoves it down his pants. With his codpiece in place he goes to through the ball back just as the boss walks in.

I stand to attention and try to look innocent whilst this other guy suddenly realises the large bulge down his pants and pulls the bubble wrap out quickly throwing it away.

 

 

......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!

Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.

 

Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.

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This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.

She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.

She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.

 

I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.

 

:eek: OMG!

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LMAO!!!

this is great, its like 'Pub talk' :)

 

thought of another one.

 

board at work and I decide to make a parcel tape base ball for a quick game of catch in the store room.

I chuck this rock hard ball of tape to an another guy and hit him bang in the nuts.

As he rolls around in pain I just watch on laughing.

After he regains composure he throws it back.

So I pick up the ball and before he can react SMACK right in the love spuds again.

I fall about laughing again but this guy starts getting mad. He walks upto this roll of bubble wrap and pulls off a few inches, turns his back to me and shoves it down his pants. With his codpiece in place he goes to through the ball back just as the boss walks in.

I stand to attention and try to look innocent whilst this other guy suddenly realises the large bulge down his pants and pulls the bubble wrap out quickly throwing it away.

 

 

......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!

Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.

 

Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.

 

hahahaaa loving that one!

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This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.

She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.

She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.

 

I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.

We had a guy from REME on work placement with a similar story. He got bladdered one night and fell asleep at the post-drinks curry. He woke up when his face touched the plate warmer thing in the middle of the table.

 

He had a small (about half an inch square) griddle shaped scar on his cheek.

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