Okay, lets hear your 'stupid moments' !!!

[Ewen]

One of our laminators rang through today....he'd just collected several rolls of special glass fibre mat that is to be used as a barrier layer in the lay up of one of our hulls.

He said it was strange looking stuff...he wasnt sure how to apply it. It was explained to him that he just wetted it out like normal, but had to use a spiked roller to consolidate it.

He said that sounded strange, cant be right surely...the mat looked like a thin bubble-wrap material....wouldn't the spiked roller just burst all the little bubbles ?

Bubble wrap ? we asked...it shouldnt look like bubble wrap...

Hang on a mo, he said and the phone went quiet...a couple of minutes later he came back on and said "scrub that, we've found the mat. It was extremely well wrapped...in bubble-wrap"

[ronttuk]

I was 15 full of youth and confidence, sitting a cafe with one of my mates and a pretty girl smiled at me, i felt so good im my new wrangler jeans harrington jacket so i smiled back,as she sipped her drink she stared at me i told my friend who casually looked over his shoulder and said her mates nice aswell,

 

full of confidence once more i smiled back gave her a wink as i sipped my coffe,bang crash coffe everywhere by bleeding cup had split in two i was sat there holding the handle and 1/4 of a broken mug,

 

i jumped up scalding coffe burning me everywhere coffe shouldnt go my grion was soaked my new white tea shirt looked like army khaki brown,my mate was shocked asking if i was ok,

 

then i rememberd the pretty girl who was rolling around on her bench laughing,

 

i forgot trhe burning forgot the pain stood up and left the cafe only to look back and realise she was smiling at her mates on the next table all along

[Hoppy]

I got one:

 

Many years ago when i was about 13 or 14, me and one of my mates came across one of those old battery operated milk floats (fully loaded with milk + eggs) parked on the steep hill around the corner from where my parents live.

 

So my mate started pissing about shaking the back end of the float, and i noticed that every time he shook it was rolling a bit.I told him but he did'nt believe me, so i gave it a shake to show him. "If i did"

 

Next thing i knew the milk floats brakes released and and it started to roll.

 

At first i stupidly tried to hold the weight on the steep hill, but soon realized if i did'nt get out of the way of this run away milk float i was gonna die!! as i was hanging off the end of it as it started picking up speed down the hill.So i let it go and dived out of the way to safety.

 

The Inevitable happened. The milk float rolled about 20 meters down the hill turning off to the side as it rolled.Seconds later it slammed backwards into a solid concrete lampost, rusulting in catastrophic damage to the rear of the milk float, and at least 100 pints of milk and 50 dozen eggs smashed all over the round

 

It turned out the milkman was doing a delivery opposite.He came running out the garden like Forest Gump!!, and after compossing him self he frog marched me and my mate down to our parents house looking for compensation for his damaged vehicle and loss of pretty much all his stock.

 

We got into alot of trouble over that!! !!

[Max Headroom]

New one for me this week, went to ASDA in Gloucester town centre and parked the car in the multi-story car park and went into the store. Came back after ten minutes and found the space where I had left the car empty. I checked my pockets and I still had the keys and anyway why would anyone steal an Audi estate? I paced up and dow the row of cars just to make sure, but it wasn't there. I started walking back to the store and crossed the car park an saw that someone had parked it in a different place Well thats my excuse and I am sticking to it.

[TonyP]

I once cleaned my teeth with savlon, had the healthiest teeth for a while

 

I've very nearl done that. Had it on the toothbrush.

[keancy]

I once cleaned my teeth with savlon, had the healthiest teeth for a while

 

Better then Algipan in a delicate place

[Porky1978]

OK here goes. Was invited to a friends place for an evening of barbecued food, poker, beer etc. After a couple of hours eating and drinking (not to mention ripping the arse pocket out of my jeans fetching the ball from next door!!) the poker tournament began. Being no good at bluffing i was soon penniless and sat for the next hour drinking and fell asleep on the sofa as soon as the game finished. Woke up at 5.30 in dire need of a p*ss, went to the downstairs toilet only to find that the 'boys' had covered my face in make-up (since when did boys have make-up??) painted my nails and had written what can only be described as racist scribblings across my face (i am Polish by descendancy) Got home with the scribblings still on my face to the shock and horror of my wife, daughter and in-laws!! They have never let me forget it either as i work with them all. Still had a cracking night though!

[Holden1989]

I put the NA into a ditch at the weekend, that was pretty stupid

[Frank Bullitt]

OK here goes. Was invited to a friends place for an evening of barbecued food, poker, beer etc. After a couple of hours eating and drinking (not to mention ripping the arse pocket out of my jeans fetching the ball from next door!!) the poker tournament began. Being no good at bluffing i was soon penniless and sat for the next hour drinking and fell asleep on the sofa as soon as the game finished. Woke up at 5.30 in dire need of a p*ss, went to the downstairs toilet only to find that the 'boys' had covered my face in make-up (since when did boys have make-up??) painted my nails and had written what can only be described as racist scribblings across my face (i am Polish by descendancy) Got home with the scribblings still on my face to the shock and horror of my wife, daughter and in-laws!! They have never let me forget it either as i work with them all. Still had a cracking night though!

 

We need to see pics

[SupraStar 3000]

I put the NA into a ditch at the weekend, that was pretty stupid

 

you ok hun?

[Holden1989]

you ok hun?

 

I'll survive, and so did the NA, only a bent radiator, bullet proof it is, unlike the scummy tt in the household

[suprasize]

Ive ran full on into a closed porch thinking it was open around a friends house one drunken evening.. that wasnt as funny when i was given the bill for replacing the glass. D'oh!

[AndrewOW]

Ah well here's mine.

 

On my 18th birthday in 1986, I took the train to Brighton for the day and go shopping. I was living in Haywards Heath at the time, so seemed pretty logical to do, especially after a few drinkies.

 

Well, after spending the whole day, and all my money on a whole new wardrobe of 'hip and trendy' '80s clothing, I decided that that was enough and wanted to get back home before it got dark (it was October).

 

Anyway, I got to the station, and saw the next train to Haywards Heath was just about to leave, so I rushed along the platform, and after confirming with a railway pleb person that that particular train was off to my destination, I got on and promptly sat down in relief.

 

It then occurred to me that I seemed to be the only person in my carriage, and some of the windows were open too, which for a cool October was a little odd. The train then disembarked from the platform and slowly made its way out of the station. It then proceeded to travel diagonally across all the main lines and what looked like an alternative route, but I didn't think much of this, and carried on looking out of the window.

 

Now, nothing seemed out of the ordinary until suddenly I heard this loud rushing sound, and to my shock and horror, the train was being put through a train wash! And as too many of the windows were open, I couldn't close them quickly enough, and of course, I got drenched!

 

I then made my cold, miserable way to the driver's cabin, and let him know that I was there. After he recovered from the shock, and calmed down from laughing, he stopped the train, and we got off.

 

It was the most embarrassing thing having to walk back through the works part (and past all the mechanics) of the station, with my now wet new clothes still in their bags, to the guards office to dry off, warm up and calm my nerves. Their coffee was so much nicer than the usual crap btw!

 

For all of that very odd experience, I did find it fascinating to me on ground level with those trains. They are really huge!

 

Albeit for me to say, I always double check train times and platform numbers now, as I don't fancy repeating that again!

 

[Ricardod]

Awesome thread lmao i nearly read all posts lol, getting there.

My contribution to this thread (not as funny as some stories but still fun).

 

Me and 3 friends went to Amsterdam once (yep im Dutch), and went for our regular summer break fun, to the coffeeshop. We ordered for around 200 euro's of weed and ran into this guy telling us he wants to join the waterpipe for the weekend. 2 hours later halfway trough our supply we got ourselves some vodka and a bottle of jack daniels. We then played a few cardgames were as the one that loses had to either drink a shot or take a smoke. After raising the stakes by 3 to 5 shots at once and 2 to 3 smokes, we realised our friend had become as numb/stunned as can be, as he lost allot of games whilest me and my friends teamed against him. We then went to the nearest train-station waiting for the train that goes to the farthest province in Holland, Limburg. We put him on the train with a cardboard on his neck written ''Limburg'' on it. He then fell asleep on one of the trainbenches. We ofcourse put some money in his pocket just incase. Never heard from him again, ever since >.>.

 

Kinda curious to his reaction tho.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

2nd story:

 

On a sunny saturday morning i wanted to go dirt biking with my dad.

My dad wasnt feeling like riding at the moment so he left his dirtbike back in the shed.

As i was having fun i ran into other dirt bikers as it was not on a dirt track but on a building pit, were houses were going to be build.

They were very funny and hilarious and as we spoke of the police (its illegal to ride your dirtbike outside the track without license plate in The Netherlands) we seen some guy in a yellow reflecting shirt pass by. Luckily it was just a motorbiker, but the guy that was on his tail was actualy a policeman on a motorbike. He stopped immediatly asking us what we were doing here. We were just saying that we were practising our sport (not to mention we pulled a sign out of the ground which had a text on it saying its not allowed to ride dirtbikes/offroad vehicles etc on this terrain) and threw it into the lake aside of the road. We then noticed the poor policeman was riding an aircooled ''cheap branded'' motorbike which had a sticker on it (FUNMOTO!). We shed in tears and asked the guy what the dude was thinking that provided him the bike. Unfortunately he didnt take it as a joke and recognised the guys as they were send away from another building pit somewhere else, a week ago. One of the dirt bikers then dared to ask the policeman if it was okay to ride for just 1 hour and promised he would leave after. To my surprise the policeman said it was ok and then one of the dirtbikers girlfriend said ''Nice helmet'' to the policeman. That was it, he was not taking annymore of it and send us home handing some tickets for inproper parking on the side of the road, riding a dirtbike where it isnt suposed too and riding without proper gear. He didnt ticket me at all as i shut my mouth at the point he came across so he just said to me to go home.

My dads car was like pretty far away from were i was so i asked the copper if he would allow me to ride to my car. He did gave permission and followed me to our car ticketting every dirt biker that he had seen.

 

He could have convescated (dunno wether the spelling is correct, cba to look up) my bike and gave me a fine or 3.

I never felt so lucky as i didnt have a spare penny on my bank account.

 

The worst thing of all was that i lured the policeman to the other crowd of dirt biking people >.<.>

Edited January 15, 2010 by Ricardod (see edit history)

[deathmonkey]

Some brilliant stories!!

 

I have many, many stupid stories, but for some reason I just happen to remember this certain one, clear as day (well sort of, you'll see what I mean... and you'll know why I remembered this one)! Sorry it's a bit long.

 

Must've been about 13/14, and I happened to get myself quite a charming older girlfriend at school, who just happened to be having a house party that weekend. So on the night of the party, thinking it'd be a great idea, I tried to steal a bottle of Vodka from my old folks' huge drinks cabinet whilst they were at work. Brilliant, 'they'll never notice anyway, there's loads of bottles'. But around an hour before the start I thought I'd be a hero if I got another bottle, so off I went again, this time a bottle of Cointreau (I will never touch it ever again after tasting it since!) but got busted in the act as my Mum walked through the back door. S***!! So my old dear said I was grounded, and my old man being as strict as he was, gave me a clip round the ear when he got home 5 mins later, and with him backing her up, I had no chance to try and persuade my mum to let me go, not a chance - 'I'll never do it again!'. But obviously with this being this girl in question's party and with all my mates being there, I just couldn't miss this party.

 

So... there I am in my room, and I'm trying to devise plans to escape... my bedroom had a window that opened out wide, and we had a conservatory underneath, perfect!! After all, I still had a bottle of Vodka previously stolen in a backpack, and plenty of time to get there. So, I tied some sheets together for a rope, and made my way out, very slowly, onto the edge of the conservatory. Bit of flex, but I was pretty happy that if I held onto the neighbours fence and my sheet-rope, I could easily do it. I made the edge, jumped down on to the rabbit hutch, asked Flopsie to wish me luck and ran off. Perfect.

 

So a little while later (really wasn't long!) I returned home... Unbelievably pissed, and freshly kicked out of a very pissed off ex-girlfriend's house who thought I was a complete tool for bringing alcohol with her parents hanging around, and drinking some vodka before I got there. Great first impression. Not the smartest of moves.

 

Anyway, I gave Flopsie a thumbs up, and climbed onto the rabbit hatch, pulled on the sheet-rope, still in excellent condition () and managed to clamber up to the conservatory. Now, 13/14 years old and pissed up = not a very stable or intelligent child, and I completely forgot to walk on the edge, and that the conservatory panes are unbelievably fragile and not for walking on. Which I did. Gave away instantly, swung down, I went with it, broke some bones, knocked myself out, 3/4 of a bottle of vodka smashed in my bag on the floor. And it was raining. Imagine my parents reaction. Imagine that on the crib sheet - I was grounded, but escaped anyway, I was pissed up, I'd broken the conservatory, broken bones, a previously stolen bottle of vodka smashed and a very wet conservatory, and now a hospital trip. That took a long time to pay back.

[cobrastang]

I started a post titled mkiv or mkIV foolishley from my laptop after having a few,when Im used to a pc keyboard.I hit the 1 button instead of small case i.I never read it before I submitted it,then couldnt change it.Then despite being correct became the most laughed at poster since errrr......matt h...Surely we all hit the occasional oh instead of the zero and 1 instead of i from time to time....[OOPS][/OOPS]

[Animal]

lol, we'll belie5e you...

[monsween]

I can understand 0 and o but not 1 and i.

 

N0t exactly 0n the same side 0f the keyb0ard

[Guest -Browny-]

After sitting here and reading through all 28 pages and waking most of the house up with random out bursts of laughter i thought i would add my own recent story to it.

 

Was out on the weekend just gone, with my mate, for his girlfriends birthday. Well her sister, is stunning, so thought i would try my luck, we were all staying back at theres so thought i would be friendly and see how i got on.

Anyway night goes well after a few drinks and a few dances get a taxi home. As we pull into their street which is about half mile long and pretty steep, we get dropped of at the bottom of the hill due to the taxi unable to make it up the hill because the street being like an ice rink. So as we head up this hill, the sister does the typical thing of taking her heels off "because her feet hurt" and after moaning her feet were cold i thought i would be a gentleman and carry her up the hill. Well after alot of drink, a steep hill, and a road like an ice rink, it went horribly wrong i decided to walk up a speed bump and that was it, we hit the deck like a tonne of bricks a lay there in big heap.

 

Now most people would realise that this was a stupid stupid idea and give up there. Well no not me, im a persistent son of a b***h, i insisted on attempting to carry her up the hill a further two times.

 

Needless to say after a night on the couch a trip to A&E the next morning for her broken foot and my broken hand, i think i may have blown my chance :(

[TJP]

Here's mine, sorry for it being a bit short:

 

My eldest daughter's first hamster, had it a couple of weeks when we discovered it had two lumps. Took it to the vets all upset and fearing the worse, vet told me it was a male hamster hence the lumps!! Hamster cost 5.00 vet bill 20.00!

 

Never again!!!!

[reeceu]

reading all pages has inspired me for 2 of my greats!!

 

1. being 12 years old and i thought quite bright at the time i managed to flood our back room with about 2 inches of water:( bad times.

we always had the wet and dry vax hoovers so cunningly thought that i would just suck up the water before mum gets home and kills me. so off i set to get the hoover, vax written on the side i was feeling confident so plugged it in and away i went, about 20 seconds passed and it started brilliantly, it then began to cough and splutter, with that fully electrified water started to shoot out of the side air vent of the hoover, me stood in the water got a pretty hefty shock, luckily the hoover shorted itself and the shock stopped, i carefully climbed out of the water with my legs tingling like mad and conceded defeat, called parent and got a right ear bashing.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

2. now being 20 i think i am learning the way of the world slowly and starting to cut out massive errors in judgments but not 2 weeks ago.

it was me and the gf's 3 year anniversary so i said to her i would cook us a meal and we would have a nice quiet night in;)

so i prepared a lovely meal and all went to plan apart from 1 ingredient... chillis!!

i am sure we have all thought of the worst consequences of this but i kid you not, my worst ever silly error.

i prepared all the food by hand and so on, we ate, lovely, i cleared up and we began to watch a film ready for an early

night:eyebrows:

half way through the film i decide to go to the toilet, as i come back and sit down next the the missus i start to get a tingling in my trousers... not that kind of tingling, it starts to become uncomfortable and really starts to hurt. i jump up and then realise... oh $*&! i have managed to put my chilli ridden hands on my johnson!!! i begin to start jumping around the room screaming how do i stop it, it felt like it was on fire, i tried everything, soap, moisturiser, etc the lot. in the end the only way of curing it was to strip off and stand in a freezing cold shower for 35 minutes with the shower head aimed solely at my nether regions.

needless to say when i eventually stopped the burning the sore, bright red "area" was fit for nothing, so we went to bed, me with a cold flannel stuffed down my boxers to stop the tears!!!

now everytime i see my gf's friends i am the brunt of their jokes but i would be a laughing stock the rest of my life as long as i dont have to go through that pain again!!

 

hope these made you smile cos all of my friends have!!

[TJP]

reading all pages has inspired me for 2 of my greats!!

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

2. now being 20 i think i am learning the way of the world slowly and starting to cut out massive errors in judgments but not 2 weeks ago.

it was me and the gf's 3 year anniversary so i said to her i would cook us a meal and we would have a nice quiet night in;)

so i prepared a lovely meal and all went to plan apart from 1 ingredient... chillis!!

i am sure we have all thought of the worst consequences of this but i kid you not, my worst ever silly error.

i prepared all the food by hand and so on, we ate, lovely, i cleared up and we began to watch a film ready for an early

night:eyebrows:

half way through the film i decide to go to the toilet, as i come back and sit down next the the missus i start to get a tingling in my trousers... not that kind of tingling, it starts to become uncomfortable and really starts to hurt. i jump up and then realise... oh $*&! i have managed to put my chilli ridden hands on my johnson!!! i begin to start jumping around the room screaming how do i stop it, it felt like it was on fire, i tried everything, soap, moisturiser, etc the lot. in the end the only way of curing it was to strip off and stand in a freezing cold shower for 35 minutes with the shower head aimed solely at my nether regions.

needless to say when i eventually stopped the burning the sore, bright red "area" was fit for nothing, so we went to bed, me with a cold flannel stuffed down my boxers to stop the tears!!!

now everytime i see my gf's friends i am the brunt of their jokes but i would be a laughing stock the rest of my life as long as i dont have to go through that pain again!!

 

hope these made you smile cos all of my friends have!!

 

:d

[SupraP-Z]

Just read through pretty much the whole thread...there are some hilarious stories on here time to add one of my own stupid moments that happened just the other day...

 

My Dad had gone abroad on a business trip, now it just so happens that i have a very similar voice to my dad...everytime i pick up the phone people think its my dad, and everytime my dad picks up - vice versa, We have a right laugh about it.

 

Anways i got a phonecall from an unknown number, picked up and there was no answer. I kept saying hello, and eventually someone answered. As i said hello, the other person also said hello...i figured out it was my dad, it sounded like him anyway!

 

About 30 seconds later i started to get suspicious, as my dad was just copying everything i was saying.

 

I then realised that i was having a conversation with myself, the voice was my own echoing in the background (the caller had cut off long ago)...lol

[Guest supra-bruce]

When I was about 16, a load of us were round at a mates house as his parents were away. Anyway, I was slightly (very) drunk, as were most of the lads. At this point one of my mates asks me how strong single pane glass is, without responding, or even thinking, I turned around and put my fist straight through my mates window. All I remember is the room going very quiet and me saying "ow".

 

Had pretty bad cuts on my hand and my mate struggled explaining it to his parents when they got back off holiday

[grahamc]

I love this thread