Lbm Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 And then the GF dumped you for leaving her dog behind twice??? You read me like an open book Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkR Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Another: My friend was in a tree cutting off a branch that was hanging over his neighbours garden. He was cutting with his right but is left handed, so shifted his weight around to cut with his left, and sawed off the branch he was sitting on!!! He fell into the neighbours yard and the neighbour has a viscious dog that started to attack him!! I was in tears for about 10 minutes when he told me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keancy Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 You read me like an open book Another: My friend was in a tree cutting off a branch that was hanging over his neighbours garden. He was cutting with his right but is left handed, so shifted his weight around to cut with his left, and sawed off the branch he was sitting on!!! He fell into the neighbours yard and the neighbour has a viscious dog that started to attack him!! I was in tears for about 10 minutes when he told me LOL if you're that kind of a Friend I would hate to have you as my Enemy, but it does sound Funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkR Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 LOL if you're that kind of a Friend I would hate to have you as my Enemy, but it does sound Funny I can't help laughing at other people getting injured... sick I know I just find silly things funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJButler Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I got married for a second time, does that qualify? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Want-One Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 I seem to be having a stream of blonde moments of late the most recent of which was locking my car-keys in the boot of the car, in the car park of a hotel, had to call the RAC to break into the car! Was on a shopping trip with my mum, she hasn't stopped ribbing me yet! I hope this was the last - I am giving my friends and family far too much 'ammunition'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 well with me, when ever im doing something silly cops are always there. the best one that leaves everyone laughing is i was really hungry and decided to buy a cheese ploughmans. i was driving down and took a bite and it tasted bloody rank! so wound down the window and sent that sandwich out! (littering i know piggish of me) cruised down to the traffic lights not paying attention to anything but what in front and when i stop theres a police car right next to me with both the officers looking at me with a shocked look. so i was like great im getting fined until he pointed to the windscreen, what was it? IT WAS MY DAMN CHEESE PLOUGHMANS SPLATTERED ALL OVER HIS WINDSCREEN. so embarassing i had to stand on the high street with every one watching while i was giving the stupid police astra a car wash with wet wipes! trust me ploughmans pickle is really sticky and cheese was stuck in the damn vents in the front! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 a mate at work, got really drunk over the weekend... woke on sunday morning with a horrible taste in his mouth. Went to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth, and a load of shaving cream in the sink and all over his toothbrush!! This had me in stitches this morning!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Never have a play fight at the side of a main road. Especially when using a plastic baseball bat, and wearing a balaclava!! I had a genuine reason for everything being in the boot of my sisters car at Halfords car park (back in the day!)... We were playing plastic baseball, and I used to do Mini-Stox, and happened to have a balaclava with crash helmet in the boot. There was a very simple equation... Plastic Baseball Bat + Balaclava + Main Road x Interfering petrol station attendant = Small grizzly bear from the rear of a dog section van, 3 rapid response units, 1 armed response unit and several very un-amused police officers! Think the conversation ended with "Act your age, not your shoe size".... to which I replied "I'm only 15!" That kinda went down like a sh!t sandwich! The lil blonde WPC was kinda cute though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcAB10 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 about 10years ago i was about to go on holiday with my parents and we had to put the family cat away to a boarding kennel, now, we didn't have a suitable 'container' to transport the cat to the kennel so we opted for a cardboard box, holes cut in the top and duck taped up (man that sounds cruel now, but it wasn't as bad as that sounded lol). we managed to pick the cat up easily enough but trying to get it in this box was absolute comedy, cartoon stylee, four paws outstretched on each corner of the box refusing to get put in this thing. It finally managed to escape us and legged it upstairs and under my bed.. so, i went up to get it, i reached under the bed and tried to pull it out when it started to go mental (you know what a cat is like, claws out, teeth out, attack mode on) unfortunatly..... my watch had got caught on it's collar... i couldn't just let it scarper off as i would of done.. it proceeded to rip the living sh*t out of my hand and arm untill i finnally managed to get my watch free. in the end we did manage to get it in the box, which it almost destroyed on the journey to the kennal. I had to wear a bandage round my wrist and hand for a couple of weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest damelza Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 when I was a kid, my guinea pig pegged it out of his hutch and into the garage whilst I was feeding him. I couldn't find the little fella anywhere and sat down on a rolled up rug to ponder over the possibilities...... (wondering what I was gonna tell my dad more like). A year later dad took some stuff to the tip including the stinky old rug. Well, when he chucked it onto the tip, it unrolled and out flew my little mate, like a big, long crispy frisbee. My dad said it looked about 6 foot long. Shame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveR Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 when I was a kid, my guinea pig pegged it out of his hutch and into the garage whilst I was feeding him. I couldn't find the little fella anywhere and sat down on a rolled up rug to ponder over the possibilities...... (wondering what I was gonna tell my dad more like). A year later dad took some stuff to the tip including the stinky old rug. Well, when he chucked it onto the tip, it unrolled and out flew my little mate, like a big, long crispy frisbee. My dad said it looked about 6 foot long. Shame. I'm crying with laughter - sorry!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nedsta Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 when i was in the army we had a lad who was an absolute gobsh**e about everything,the sort that knew about everything and wouldnt listen to any advice, one day when we were out having a smoke he went to change some batteries on my rocket launcher, i warned him not to touch the bodywork with the spanner cos he'll complete the curcuit and could kill himself but the cocky little sod werent having any of it, so no surprise that a few mins later we hear an almighty bang folled by a thud as he flew about 10 foot from the launcher with spanner in hand,was so funny we just carried on smoking and left him too it lol, another day he called one of my mates and old ba****d then turned round to run away but ran straight into a door of one of the launchers with the cab tilted forward knocking the little sod out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSupraGirl Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Well I took Supra in a car was, i forgot to turn the radio off!!! Course the ariel was still up and.... SNAP!!!! He wasnt amused!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieP Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Im just getting ready to go out and ive run out of deodorant, so look on the wifes dressing table and grab a can of hers, then proceed to spray hair moose all over my arm pits:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guigsy Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 A few months ago I had 3 or 4 mates arround for an day and evening of xbox action. While tidying the house and organizing things before they arrive i decided i should fix a wobbly floorboard at the top of the stairs. Its only about a foot and a half long and runs away from you as you go up the stairs. The way it was if you stood on the nearest end (which is where you would naturaly put your foot) it could trip you. And after a few beers i could picture one of my mates coming a cropper on it and falling backwards down the stairs. So, I grab my hammer and a nail and set about the floorboard like a 5 year old with a his fisher price hammer. After the 3rd or 4th whack i hear a hiss, then a gurgle. I stop and think, thats not right. Then i shit myself and realize the reason the floorboard is so small and wobbly is that it doubles as an access panel for the sodding joins and bends in the plastic pipework for the bathroom which is just to the left of where im hammering. I'd only gone and put about a 3mm hole in the cold water pipe. So i leg it downstairs (water spraying everywhere). Move everything out of the way of the door to the basement. rush down and turn the water off. Now, Im no plumber, I have NO idea how to mend pipes. I was just going to have to wait and call a plumber on monday after my mates had gone home (it was saturday). Picture the scene... a house full of guys, the beer is flowing... at some point someone is going to need to have a piss. There is no water in the house. So... I tried to patch it with duct tape. When that didnt work i was stuck, as far as im concerned a hammer and duct tape and some cable ties is all i need to fix something. I went and got some silicone seal tape stuff for fixing this kind of thing from BnQ (to be honest i just went to BnQ and stood looking confused and panicked in the plumbing section). Anyway that stuff didn't work. I tried a combination of the 2 and got it down to a slow drip when i turned the water back on. I positioned a Tupperware under the drip and then decided i would give the guys 10 minute intervals every so often to take a "leak". Then i would empty the drip tray. Then my mates started to turn up and i told them what happened and they each told me i was an idiot. Then my last mate turned up and he just went "is is plastic pipe" i said yes. "just get a strait join section from BnQ, cut the pipe and put it in the cut section. Dead easy, 5 min job" But at this point it was too late and it was closed and we carried on with our night of gaming, beer and pissbreaks. After a while it was leaking more and more but there was no choice. It was filling my catch tray quickly. We went out for a meal and ordered a taxi, someone needed a whizz before we went so i turned on the water, then the taxi arrived and in the rush i forgot to turn it off... We came back and my catch tray had overflowed causing a huge wet patch on the kitchen sealing. As soon as everyone had left the next day i got the bit of pipe from BnQ which cost pence, cut a 1cm section out of the pipe and slotted the join section in.... It worked perfectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest drlee Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 /vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_shock.gif i fitted trd grade 8 plugs ,dont!,well they fell apart sunday.as timberlake sais,its dead and gone.fuked me exh valves.now thats fukin stupid.suggestions welcome. d.r Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest drlee Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 shall i sell me gearbox and make a water feature out of wots left???????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest drlee Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 sorry to be a bit down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 How ironic. A stupid post in a stupid moments thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marc_p Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 shall i sell me gearbox and make a water feature out of wots left???????? Yes, yes you should. How ironic. A stupid post in a stupid moments thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kranz Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 How ironic. A stupid post in a stupid moments thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Im just getting ready to go out and ive run out of deodorant, so look on the wifes dressing table and grab a can of hers, then proceed to spray hair moose all over my arm pits:D I once cleaned my teeth with savlon, had the healthiest teeth for a while Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest FKADizzmystar Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 when my valve seals first went and smoke was coming out of the exhaust, i thought something was on fire so i put the garden hose up exhaust on full pressure trying to put it out lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinkle001 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 well when i got my first car i was on the phone to the insurance company he was asking the usual question like how big is your engine and to that i replied about 4and a half foot he couldn't talk to me for laughing especially as he had already asked my what type of cavalier i had and i had told him a gold one another time i could not understand why my hubby was moaning about petrol prices i said its only a few pence he said they add up when you fill the car my reply to that was but it only takes 1.2litters he just looked at me but you will be all glad to know i know i little bit more about cars now lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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