Guest wobblybox Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I was vacuuming round the fire (open type jobbie) sucking up cinders and dust etc when I smelt burning I looked round to see flames jetting out the back of the vacuum!! Grab vacuum and ran for the back door (its still on at this stage) and got about 2 feet away from it when the cable which is still plugged in ran out of length, cue a 20 second panic trying to get past the burning vacuum back into the livingroom to pull the plug out of the socket. Why o why o why did I not turn the vacuum off??????? Funny in hind sight freaked me out at the time. I lifted 2 frozen pork chops out of the freezer and left them to defrost on the worktop, 3 hours later they are still frozen solid. Ah haaaaa brain wave I need to seperate the two chops!! retrieves a butter knife and jams it into the chops and turning the chops round so the knife ios at the bottom i in my wisdom started to beat the chops and knife of the worktop, result? knife straight through chops and into the palm of my hand!! 4 stiitches in palm of hand later and no self sex for a month made me realise it was a bad idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pot Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Nip out to the garage to get a loaf of bread, sitting at the lights I see another Sup go past, lights turn to green so I belt down the road after him, only to do 47 in a 30 past a bloody parked in full view, on ' racing night'... He has me in his sights as soon as I left the lights... 3 points later, I'm a twat... (Yes this happened tonight and I'm still about it)... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suprasteve Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 ok i got one... I needed to use the toilet at work but the door was shut so i bang of the door shouting "you'd better not be dumping your load you smelly git" thinking it was my work mate Paul who was in there. To my horror Paul appears behind me just as the toilet door opens - it was the MD's wife ! she had popped in to pick up some files and i hadn't noticed. ...how fukcing embarrassed was i !?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creative Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 got a few! I was born in australia and when I was 3 ish, being the young adventure seeker:) I climbed over a fence. only to fall and land on a cactus! trip too hospital followed to remove the needles. Mate had a mini. and we had been driving to my folks when it started to run rough. Managed to get it there and decide to have a tinker and fit a few speakers in the back. Im fitting the speakers and he's messing under the bonnet. He starts the car up and wanders back round to the front. Im fitting the speakers and he calls my name out..... I cant hear what hes saying so carry on... he then shouts a bit louder what sounds like "turn the fcuking car off" so still not hearing him properly, I get out and walk round to him.... I was greeted with him shouting at me to shut the car off as he was removing the spark leads and testing them he had put his other hand on the wing and completed the circuit!! Oh how I laughed!!! He now works at toyota and does all my servicing etc.... I only worry when he goes "ahhh". You know he has broken something! On a paintball session. near the end of the day a we are in the final fight and stuck in a small burrow againt 3 guys behind a wooden wall. These guys kept peppering us with paint and my mate was a little annoyed that he was pinned. so he raises his arm and fires a few rounds off. I stick my head up and I have never seen a paintball curve soooo much!! It went round the wooden boards and all we could hear was " OWWWWWW you *********!!!. had only hit him right in the nads, or to be more exact the end of his todger! him rolling on the floor and covered in red paint round his bollox! classic moment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul ashton Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Nip out to the garage to get a loaf of bread, sitting at the lights I see another Sup go past, lights turn to green so I belt down the road after him, only to do 47 in a 30 past a bloody parked in full view, on ' racing night'... He has me in his sights as soon as I left the lights... 3 points later, I'm a twat... (Yes this happened tonight and I'm still about it)... Done the same at work,shouting stupid things at my mate,came out and he was there at his machine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MattsSupra Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I once was sliding through a large cardboard box when i was about 5 with a pencil in my hand, anyway, i must have slipped and ended up with a pencil in embeded in the top corner of nose, just by my eye, do not remember much after that as i must have passed out, however i do have a grey mark where the pencil went in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MattsSupra Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 **double post** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 i do have a grey mark where the pencil went in. Would an eraser sort that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike B Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 This is a story about a good friend of mine called Julian who just can't seem to stay out of trouble. He has an endless vault of this kind of stuff that seems to always happen to him, and I know it's not me but it's worth telling... He's a bright lad, just endlessly mischevious, and doesn't pay attention to the small details in life that he probably should. He's beet rooted out of 3 positions in my industry (he threatened to throw one boss out of his office window) and after a string of personal stress - all again stupid stories - he decides it's time to take life easy... So he gets a job as a site manager on a campsite on the Isle of Wight. 2 months into the job the tedium of life is starting to take it's toll. One afternoon when the boss is off site Jules finds himself engaged in an impromptu cross park race between himself, piloting a rear wheel steer put-put tipper, and his mate in a JCB. When the dumper rounds a corner at full speed Julian gets thrown from the tipper as it's rear steer wheels snatch onto full lock. Landing on his feet he manages to crack one of his heels and is consequently in a lot of pain. This isn't even the start of his troubles however, as the tipper is stuck on full power, full lock, going round and round in circles, violently out of control and shows no signs of stopping. To make matters worse it's not making perfect circles; it's moving towards the static caravans. It's also way too dangerous to go anywhere near the thing on foot, plus Jules can hardly walk. They try fruitlessly to try and knock the throttle off the thing by jousting it with pipes, then throw rocks at it, but time is running out as it's getting way too close to the residents caravans. There was only one thing they could do - they had to kill the tipper.. So Jules - the only one who could use the arm on the JCB - hobbled in and went to work. A tough cookie apparently, it took 3 stamps with the rear bucket on three different passes, but he pummeled it's lights out good and proper.. Boss returns to ask why they have mashed the tipper to death with the JCB, and Jules can't really give a good excuse; "technical difficulties" was about all he could muster. Surprisingly he still works there now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilly Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Whilst serving in the RAF in Cyprus, a load of us went to my mates stag do. After playing bar golf for most of the night (steamin), i decided it was time to tie him to a tree (with the intenetion of leaving him there all night. The plan was hatched, as i shouted get him he ran out of the bar and set off down the road ( it was well lit, smooth as a babies arse and had white lines down the middle). As i couldn't focus i decided to use the white lines as i guide to aid running, however, i forget to focus on where my feet were and tripped over them. Obvoiusly i made no attempt to break my fall and landed straight on my shoulder. As i was lying there screaming my mate came to help me up ( by the shoulder), when he seen i was in agony he took me back to the bar where he berated with bar staff to send 'warm milk and towels' hows that going to help with a badly broken collarbone i'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Boss returns to ask why they have mashed the tipper to death with the JCB, and Jules can't really give a good excuse; "technical difficulties" was about all he could muster. Thats brilliant, I would have loved to seen the look the boss' face Gaz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2jzhead Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 I was vacuuming round the fire (open type jobbie) sucking up cinders and dust etc when I smelt burning I looked round to see flames jetting out the back of the vacuum!! Grab vacuum and ran for the back door (its still on at this stage) and got about 2 feet away from it when the cable which is still plugged in ran out of length, cue a 20 second panic trying to get past the burning vacuum back into the livingroom to pull the plug out of the socket. Why o why o why did I not turn the vacuum off??????? Funny in hind sight freaked me out at the time. _______________________________________________________ I was messing arround with my new 300w stereo, and i had my mp3 player on input, so the volume was rather high, so i go to sleep, next thing i know at 4:00am fucking "I TAKE YOU TO THE CANDY SHOP, ILL LET YOU LICK THE LOLIPOP, GO HEAD GIRL DONT YOU STOP" Blasting out soo loud, and in a flurry i ran downstairs and pulled the main fuse out for the sockets?? why didnt i just turn of the stereo off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 when i was in iraq a friend of mine was the only biological casualty out there due to accidently injecting himself with a combi pen(a tube with a 3" needle with antripene used to prevent nerve agent poisoning) into his thumb,he went white for a few seconds then fainted,we had to rush him to the medic as he was starting to suffer antripene poisoning when the nurse looked at his pupils and was about to give him another shot with a combi pen thinking he had nerve agent poisoning,was a close one,and he saw the funny side when he woke up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 (RobCowley's thread about his GF over filling her oil reminded me of this but I don't want to hi-jack a Tech thread) Years ago, my ex phoned me at work and said "you know I said last night about my heater doesn't seem to be working very well and you said to check the radiator level? Well I've put 10 kettle-fulls of water in but it's still not full. Do you think it'll be enough to get me to work?" I was like "TEN??? Where exactly did you put this water?" Yep, she'd put it in the engine! Nice one. At least she hadn't started the engine and a couple of oil changes in quick succession fixed the problem. Mind you, I've done a stupid thing like that. A stone had gone through the radiator of my grasstrack car during a race. We repaired the hole in the pits between races but when I went to fill the rad I picked up the wrong Jerry can and filled the rad with petrol. No more racing for me that day! We didn't dare start the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerous brain Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 A mate did similar with a four tonner once. Parked it the wrong side of the pump without realising. Got approx 10-15 litres in and it blew back at him. He'd only somehow managed to jam the diesel nozzle in the engine oil filler tube Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M4RK RZ Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Once was in a rush to get out on the town and noticed a crease on my shirt (that I had put on) Nipped down grabbed the iron and ironed it out whilst wearing -slipped and burnt a triangle over my lips with front of iron IDIOT !!! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Once was in a rush to get out on the town and noticed a crease on my shirt (that I had put on) Nipped down grabbed the iron and ironed it out whilst wearing -slipped and burnt a triangle over my lips with front of iron IDIOT !!! lol Sorry just trying to picture the scene!! Priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I filled my lighter up once by syphoning some petrol out of my Dad's car while it was still in the garage. It was only when I flicked the lighter to test it that I realised the place was a bit "fumey". Luckily no harm done to garage or car and Dad never did find out why I had no eyebrows for a few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lynz Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 not really my stupid moment, but i can add to the list.... we just had a fire in our office on friday... someone put a potato in the microwave to cook for.....25 minutes!!!! and on a plastic plate! No bloody wonder it faffing exploded and melted the damn oven !!! so i had to go stand outside with my fluorescent yellow fire marshal jacket on waiting for the fire brigade to turn up!! we were out for about an hour, thankfully in the sunshine, but now the office stinks of smoke and its nasty!! and for the rest of the afternoon we ripped the p*ss out of the potato cremator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerous brain Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 not really my stupid moment, but i can add to the list.... we just had a fire in our office on friday... someone put a potato in the microwave to cook for.....25 minutes!!!! and on a plastic plate! No bloody wonder it faffing exploded and melted the damn oven !!! so i had to go stand outside with my fluorescent yellow fire marshal jacket on waiting for the fire brigade to turn up!! we were out for about an hour, thankfully in the sunshine, but now the office stinks of smoke and its nasty!! and for the rest of the afternoon we ripped the p*ss out of the potato cremator You wanna right laugh do the same thing with a handfull of chilli's (without the plastic plate though) Hot pepper spray pain in an instant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chumpalot Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Thought I would breath some more life into this thread, especially as reading the first few pages has had me in stitches! Back in the day when I owned a Corsa C 1.2 SXI, i decided to paint the calipers. Everyone was doing it so thought why not. (yes you know what's coming...) Jacked the car up, wheels off, washed the calipers, let them dry and then painted them a nice red. Wheels went back on, tightened them up and then lowered the car. I put all the stuff i was using back into the garage and tidied up. Went inside and left the car for an hour or two (it was a blistering day). Anyway, night came, and I got a phonecall from a mate saying we were going out. I got ready and jumped in the car. When i got to the top of the road to brake I heard a knocking clunking sound... strange i thought. Never heard that before. A few turns and straights later the clunking sound was incredibly loud and i knew something serious was up. I slowed down to pull over and all of a sudden the nearside wheel came flying off. There was a moment where I had a sort of 'out of body' experience and i was looking at myself sitting in the car watching this wheel bounce down the road towards a busy roundabout. It took what seemed like a few minutes for me to gather my thoughts, put the hazards on and get out the tilted car. The car had slammed down onto the discs and the arch lining had come away slightly. I set off jogging down the road to retrieve the wheel (which luckily had landed face up in some bushes on the actual roundabout itself). I jacked the car up, put it back on using the spare bolts and made sure to tighten it this time when I lowered it. Got back in the car, drove 5 metres...... CLUNK CLUNK CLUUUNK BAM! Offside one goes. I still went out that night despite being in a foul mood with myself. A trip to the bodyshop at the weekend to get the lining sorted out and some new disks and she was good as new lol. How dumb can you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Lmao... as if 1 wasn't bad enough Gaz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garetheves Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Ok ive got one, not me but a friend of mine yesterday. He's a detailer by trade and is helping me detail my car this weekend. Went inside to fill the bucket with water at which point his phone rang. He answered and held it between his cheek and shoulder so he could talk while carrying the bucket. Anyway, he felt the phone start to slip and he obviously didnt want it falling the 6` odd to the floor as it would surely break, so instead he decided to catch it. Sensible thinking i hear you say. Only problem is he has his hands full with the bucket. Plop. Yes he actually moved the bucket towards the falling phone thinking it would be safer than letting it hit the floor. Best thing is it still worked as was able to tell the guy on the other end what had happened. Quickly switched it off to let it dry but it doesnt work now... Surprisingly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Whilst in boarding school down in Easy Sussex, me and a few mates thought it would be funny to use gone off fish that someone had caught in the cuckmere river and left in the fridge for weeks in some sort of prank. We lived in a boarding house that had a house master, which was the schools chemistry teacher. One Sunday, we broke into his bedroom and ripped up the floorboards under his radiator and placed the fish there. To say it stunk was an understatement, the whole house reeked heavily of fish to the point where it hit your gag reflex when you stood near his room. However, we were totally unaware of the fact that he had been in an unfortunate accident years before involving a bunsen burner and had burnt his nasal receptors which in turn affected his sense of smell, to the point where he didn't have any. A week went passed and the cleaner came in to go over the place, on walking into his room, she was physically sick. It was reported to the school and the whole house was condemned until the source of the smell was found. The ripped up all the floorboards and found the culprit fish, they instantly knew it was me and my mates who did it and they interrogated us one by one until one of us confessed. Using the old, tell us who did it and you'll only be suspended, whereas everyone else involved would be expelled. My so called good mate bubbled me up and I was expelled for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackie Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 i once farted and followed through, quite recently actually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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