Muffleman Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Hi all, I probably watch Home Improvement far too much, but I've certainly had my share of Tim the Toolman Taylor moments ! For example. I used to have an old Suffolk Punch lawnmower. Yes a 14" electric would've done, but if it ain't 4-stroke - I don't wanna know Anyway, a number of years ago I dug this out of the shed for the first mow of the year. Cleaned the plug, checked the oil etc but the bugger wouldn't start. I diagnosed stale petrol so emptied the tank and filled it up with fresh petrol, it then started no problem. However, what to do with the old petrol ? Well I thought I'd just tip it down the drain near the house. With this done, I then thought 'that probably wasn't a good idea' so decided to, er, get rid of the petrol................cue lit match Well at first I wasn't worried, okay my drain was on fire but I thought the petrol would just burn away and job done then out of no where BANG - WTF was that !!! Despite me shatting meself at this point, there was no damage and I still have no idea what went bang. I did have visions of water gushing up from the toilets and plugholes in the house tho However, just when I started to calm down BANG NOW I'm starting to worry, visions of burst pipes and neighbours screaming about rising waters etc Thankfully, that was the end of it and I survived my Darwin Award moment. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to have daft moments, so lets hear 'em Matt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Thats great, I just spat my coffee all over the laptop... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyJawa Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Classic I once turned a camp gas fire on when really cold lit the match but it snapped - too short to use. So, instead of turning the gas off I take a few moments to get another match out, strike it and hold it to the fire............. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH Whole column of flame shoots up and completely singed my eyebrows and front of my hair off! Somehow the eyelashes survived! What was worse was having to go to school 2 days later...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
attilauk Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 LMAO those are great i had a stupid lawnmower experience too. A few years ago i popped over to my grans house to mow her lawn, she had one of those old Qualcast electric mowers with the whirling blades of death on the front. I was happily mowing away when i accidentally went straight over the power cable, the blades of death flicked the live cable straight at me and my first reaction was to try and catch it i can remember a bang and a big blue flash, then the next thing i can remember is waking up 6 foot away from the mower on my back with a 1" diameter burn on my left palm! funnily enough im not a great fan of mowing the lawn anymore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I'm sure you had it plugged into am RCD circuit breaker, though?? ;-) I was using a petrol rotovator that had a reverse gear and the blades at the back. I nearly rotorvated my feet off when I put in in reverse and then couldn't get it out again. The damn thing pinned me against the fence and between its big chopper-style handlebars. No way out! Luckily I managed to shut it down before it turned me into a dwarf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyJawa Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 u guys!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth. It took bloody ages of soaking my face in celulose thinners to get the superglue off as well. Another time I went to a fancydress party as BA Baracus from the A Team. My GF was supposed to get me some of that make-up stuff to make you look black but she couldn't find any, so at the last minute I decided to use brown boot polish. Off we went to the party, me in green overalls - cut off the biceps, fake mohican, massive chain borrowed from my Dad's tow truck and sprayed gold, and all visable skin covered in boot polish. I woke up the next morning still in my outfit and with cripling back and neck ache from wearing the massively heavy chain. I then staggered to the bathroom and found out that boot polish doesn't come off human skin if it's been left on for like 12 hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muffleman Posted March 21, 2005 Author Share Posted March 21, 2005 Frightening and yet hilarious Love it Oh, and this I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth. has left me in tears in the office !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 this is a great thread ROFLMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Jake, the superglue episode had me in fecking hysterics - brilliant story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
attilauk Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 the superglue episode is absoloutely fantastic, the office loved that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 We had a little yellow but VERY angry canary when I was young. He wouldn't let you near him let alone try and cut its claws. One day before bed I decided to cover the bottom of the cage and perch in sandpaper and thus sand the little fellas nasty claws down. In the morning the poor guy was dead and had gone down a few notches in shoe size. In fact .... he didn’t have any feet left, just a couple of stumps I hope the RSPCA don’t read this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how_supra Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 We had a little yellow but VERY angry canary when I was young. He wouldn't let you near him let alone try and cut its claws. One day before bed I decided to cover the bottom of the cage and perch in sandpaper and thus sand the little fellas nasty claws down. In the morning the poor guy was dead and had gone down a few notches in shoe size. In fact .... he didn’t have any feet left, just a couple of stumps I hope the RSPCA don’t read this OMG! That's Shocking.................. Though when I was really young I once put my hamster (pepsi) in a shoe box and pushed it down the stairs - (I thought it would glide down and Pepsi would enjoy the ride). Unfortunately it didn't glide down (more like bounced, rolled and flew down) - the little fella was okay though - once he regained the use of his back legs......OMG how cruel!!!! Everyone else you've cracked me up this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I really don't think children should be allowed pets, they're always horrible to them!! Classic thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J4CK50N Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth. OMG, my sides are still hurting after reading this and the tears are just drying up. People at work wondered what the hell was going on, and I was laughing so much I couldnt tell them properly. At least you can look back on it with humour!!! Cheers J4CK50N Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerotop Dave Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I once stuffed a piece of Lego up my nose to practice picking bogies. Unfortunately it got stuck and didn't come out again until 2 days later (I didn't tell anyone, I was too scared of a trip to hospital. I must have been about 7). For adult stupidity, I took the U-bend off a sink to retrieve something that had fallen down there. The U-bend was full of water, so... yep, you've got it, I reached up and tipped it down the sink I'd just taken the U-bend off... Jacked up my Ford Escort on one side to change the wheel but just as the wheel started to come off the ground I re-read the manual to check I had jacked it in the right place (thought this was wise as I was just getting to the serious/dangerous bit). Noticed that I was about an inch away from the correct place and decided to physically move the jack along the sill! With a bit of pushing and shoving it started to move but then it slipped and I got my thumb caught between the sill of the car and the top of the jack, with the entire weight of half the car on my thumbnail. Que frantic scrabble for jack handle and a VERY rapid wind down to release thumb. That hurt for quite some time afterwards actually. Even today I still can't quite work out how my thumb got caught in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I once when on a water slide in Zimbabwe; this had been made out of oil drums. The seams between them were a bit rough. Having had an exciting ride down the flume I walked nonchalanty past about 100 tourists with my ass in full view; the joins had ripped my shorts away 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I once stuffed a piece of Lego up my nose to practice picking bogies. LMAO!!!! That sounds like a quote from Ralph Wiggum and the Simpsons! you have to include that in your sig!! Its hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Ouch, that jack one sounds nasty, Dave. You're lucky you didn't lose your thumb! The Lego up nose thing reminded me of the kid in my class at junior school who rolled up the silver foil from a packet of Polos into a sausge shape and put it up his nose. Of course it got stuck and the kid started crying, much to our enjoyment. He was crying a lot more after one of the other kids 'helped' him by yanking it out along with a lot of the lining of his nose To this day I've never seen so much blood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkey76364 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 PMSL ...This post should have not for office reading in the title, the looks i get as i larf at each os theses !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how_supra Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 A few years ago now, I was too lazy to walk all the way down stairs, so I decided to lean over the banister to ask a question, but I leant over to far , and yes you guessed it, somersaulted right over the top and ended up at the bottom of the stairs. All my dad could do was laugh My brother also once got his head stuck in a clothes horse..............oooo how I chuckled at that one. He denies it of course when I bring it up now...... rather conveniently forgotten me thinks te he Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Anyone ever left radio phone open by accidentally leaving it on while their boss listened for 1/2 hour while Ill took the piss out of him. He called my back to say he would be having a little chat on Monday - gulp not one of my better moments lol 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Anyone ever left radio phone open by accidentally leaving it on while their boss listened for 1/2 hour while Ill took the piss out of him. He called my back to say he would be having a little chat on Monday - gulp I accidencally hit the "voice memo" button on my PDA last week and recorded about ten minutes of myself singing along to The Music in my car. I almost died of embarrasment listening to it later even though I was completely alone. I only got one minute into the file before I deleted it. Fame Academy application is now in the bin... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 I can't think of anything amusing that I've done. There must be some. Loving the sink one Dave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerotop Dave Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Modifying your Supra? *runs very very fast indeed* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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