spidermonkey Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?? Stephen Hawking after a house fire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermonkey Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Three sisters, named Flora, Fiona and Fanny lived in the same village in Yorkshire and were renowned for their beauty, although all of them had extra large feet. One evening, Flora and Fiona went clubbing and were soon chatting to some lads. "By gum," said one of the lads. "Haven't you got big feet!" "Oh that's nothing!" they replied. "You should see our Fanny's". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSoop Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 No sh!t..... Sorry mate, it's one of my petty annoyancies.. H. Happens all the time on here mate... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiunno Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 How did the Hamster die? He fell asleep at the wheel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaveriK Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Weddings are so emotional, even the cakes in tiers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VIL Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 St Peter is at the Pearly Gates when a family of pikeys turn up asking to get into heaven. Peter says to them to wait there and he will ask God. Peter speaks to God who is reluctant to let them in and says leave them there for a bit whilst I think what to do. After an hour St Peter comes running up to God and says `they have gone, they have gone`! Great says God, that solves that problem. No said Peter not the pikeys the gates! Farmer walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm, where his wife is in bed. 'There' says the farmer 'this is the ugly fat pig I have been sleeping with whilst you have had a headache'. She looks up and says 'darling thats a sheep not a pig' The farmer says 'I was talking to the sheep'. (neither joke that short but both funny ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benkei Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 How did the dyslexic rock star die? He choked on his own Vimto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazboy Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Whats the difference between a pigeon and a banker? a pigeon can still leave a deposit on a new Ferrari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSoop Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Two gay men in a bar, Harold and George. George suddenly farts....pfft it goes Oh George! says Harold, I have got to fart now and goes...pfft All of a sudden a big Bilker overhears their conversation and says to the gay men, "i'll show you two a proper fart! So he cocks his leg and lets and lets a huge loud fart out that stops everyone talking in the pub. The big biker said, Ha, what do you two think of that then?! Harold and george looked at each other and smiled, they said together to the big biker....Virgin!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
osso Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 A nun gets on the train and a skinhead in front is eating a bag of prawns. He starts to spit the heads at her, she throws them out the window and pulls the emergency cord. The skinhead says "you'll get fined £50 for that you stupid bint!" The nun replies "When I cry rape and they smell your fingers you'll get 10 years you stupid cnut!":taped: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 what do 9/10 people enjoy? Gang R*pe. ROFL Woman runs into a police station and shouts "I've been Graped!" Policeman replies, "You mean Raped??" Woman replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!" What's blue and f*cks grannies?? Hypothermia! What's pink and fluffy??? Pink fluff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRD DAN Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 what have 95% of beaten women got in common they dont listen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missile Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at the nursing home... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!' He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermonkey Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 how do you get a fat girl into bed???? piece of cake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSoop Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Paddy and Murphy are again working on a building site; Paddy has an accident at work and cuts his ears clean off... So Murphy and all the team are around his bedside and Murphy says, ''for god sake lads, don't say anything about his ears!'' The lads mumbled ''nah, don't worry boss''... 4 weeks later, Paddy is fit and well and back to work... One of his works mates says to Paddy ''Paddy, your eyesight has got alot better!'' Why says Paddy?? Well says his workmate ''you're not wearing any bloody glasses!'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? Still no eye deer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burble Burble Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? Still no eye deer and finally.... what do you call a dead deer with no eyes and no willy? altogether now.... still no f***ing idea! bdum tschh! xmas crackers have been opened early this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheefa Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 ROFL What's blue and f*cks grannies?? Hypothermia! I think you'll find that you need to substitue the word 'blue' for 'cold' as Hypothermia, believe it or not, does not have a colour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSoop Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Q) What happened to the shark when it swallowed a key?? A) It got lock jaw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xeno Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I was in Tesco the other day and thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread. Turned out it said... "Thick Cut". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I took my girlfriend round to see my family today. My wife went ******* mental. I got my wife a vibrator for her birthday. She's done nothing but moan ever since. (Made me chuckle ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bright 1 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 One seater helicopter crashes in a graveyard in Ireland, so far the police have found 100 bodies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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