ellis Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Particularly ripe and thunderous ones are often met with "I'd wipe your arse and call that one a shit!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy W Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Either "mmmm gravy" or "ahhh Bisto". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muffleman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Particularly ripe and thunderous ones are often met with "I'd wipe your arse and call that one a shit!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 my favourite is ''do you want a flake in that luv'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 also ''one lump or two?'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyT Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Funny you should ask that as I work in the "pump" industry..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Killer Heels Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 the best to do is this; You're in bed with the missus you raise your legs slightly.....there it is...the air pocket. You know you're going to fill it, the missus might have an idea but you wait till you're ready. You pray for silence or a loud noise from the TV...you squeeze one out. You know its violent, you know its gonna smell like dog crap, what do you do, its down there circling in the pocket waiting to be released. So you look at the missus, you lean over to give her a cuddlelift the top of the cover to put it over her more....lift your foot and drop it. The stream of pongy air shoots up the bed into her face as the pocket has been open. DIRECT HIT!!! So ive heard Do they take to one side at school and give you special Lessons at this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 my favourite is ''do you want a flake in that luv'' also ''one lump or two?'' I was sure only the bathroom ever heard a girl toot Some of mine ... "the phones ringing" "Did you say something.... no?..... sounded like you" Like a sneeze i say choooooo, as in *braaapppp* "chooo".. "bless me" "a second longer and it would be called drum and bass" etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 check this ryhm out that ma lil cousin just told me: "fart fart the beans are calling" "must be the ones i ate this morning" "creak creak the toilet door" "ow Sheet i did some on the floor" "if you have no tissue paper" "use your hand as a scrapper" "if that doesnt work at all" "rub ur ass against the wall" lol - kids these days lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 i be honest, old people are dangerous man. for my duke of edinburghs award i did voluntary hours at my local old peoples home for around 2 years i think. man when they let it rip (coz some of them cant hear) they blast off and old people when they diss each other!!! flippin hilarious!!! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 the best to do is this; You're in bed with the missus you raise your legs slightly.....there it is...the air pocket. You know you're going to fill it, the missus might have an idea but you wait till you're ready. You pray for silence or a loud noise from the TV...you squeeze one out. You know its violent, you know its gonna smell like dog crap, what do you do, its down there circling in the pocket waiting to be released. So you look at the missus, you lean over to give her a cuddlelift the top of the cover to put it over her more....lift your foot and drop it. The stream of pongy air shoots up the bed into her face as the pocket has been open. DIRECT HIT!!! I do believe that's known as a "Dutch Oven" in trouser-coughing circles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 whos seen 'Harold and Kumar get the munchies'??? the seen with the british girls in the toilet:- 'BATTLE SHITS' man i was pissing myself!!! who says women dont fart. they do but us guys find it funny, women find it normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzy Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 My Uncle always use to amuse me with 'Fax coming through' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 whos seen 'Harold and Kumar get the munchies'??? the seen with the british girls in the toilet:- 'BATTLE SHITS' man i was pissing myself!!! who says women dont fart. they do but us guys find it funny, women find it normal. I wouldn't say they find it normal. 9 out of 10 girls won't fart in front of each other let alone in front of guys. Most guys only hear their girls fart in their sleep lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I can hardly believe this page is from the BBC! -> http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A673508 "Low-flying ducks" "Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?" - Hmm, the g/f never says that to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I wouldn't say they find it normal. 9 out of 10 girls won't fart in front of each other let alone in front of guys. Most guys only hear their girls fart in their sleep lol. well ive had a kebab with chilli sauce tonight so im looking forward to tomorrow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 well ive had a kebab with chilli sauce tonight so im looking forward to tomorrow ...unlike your work colleagues! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 lol, chilli sauce yh!!! try having raw chilli's and in the morning i guess you will need a fire extinguisher................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 well ive had a kebab with chilli sauce tonight so im looking forward to tomorrow Usually depends on how hot the chilli's are. It can backfire, so to speak. Probably best not wear a thong tomorrow though, G-String might actually start playing notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvteye Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 A couple I heard was: Beans beans are good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart the more you fart the better you feel so have some beans with every meal also At a very posh dinner a lady farted and immediately turned to the waiter and said pompously, "Do you mind stopping that". To which the waiter replied, "certainly madam, which way did it go!" BTW. I'm gonna use the little more choke one from now on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 A couple I heard was: Beans beans are good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart the more you fart the better you feel so have some beans with every meal also At a very posh dinner a lady farted and immediately turned to the waiter and said pompously, "Do you mind stopping that". To which the waiter replied, "certainly madam, which way did it go!" BTW. I'm gonna use the little more choke one from now on the last bit cracked me and my manager up!!! lol 9pm and were still at work cracking up coz were bored!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keancy Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 i be honest, old people are dangerous man. for my duke of edinburghs award i did voluntary hours at my local old peoples home for around 2 years i think. man when they let it rip (coz some of them cant hear) they blast off and old people when they diss each other!!! flippin hilarious!!! lol It's not just old people. My Brother in law is forever doing that. We all sat in a House full of people Christmas or whatever and he will just full on blow off in front of the whole Family. I just think that's plain rude to be honest. But i do love my bro in law to bits, he just has crap habits. My Hubby wouldn't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 One for the Squaddies. " e Springs" That's "ease springs" I've got to that age where Lin has stopped being surprised or horrified by my farts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 http://www.whofartedphotos.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 This is ages old, but it did make me laugh loads http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2003/m_matrix_farts-p1.php Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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