bigcol Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!' 'Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery,' Mike replies 'There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points'. So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks'. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer printed the following: 1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet 3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 5) Your wife is pregnant with twins; they aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better........ Thank you for shopping at Tesco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukApache Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dangerousandy Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 the best ever!!!! love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRACIE_LOU Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 fantastic!! will have to show tony this when he gets in from work in the morning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2JG Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiceRocket Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Aww you were doing so well col....... REPOST Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyB Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Still a good one that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcAB10 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 that's one was a good 'un. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 It's a great gag!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.