Conrad Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 Repost probably but here goes anyway.... Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? What is the speed of darkness? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.' Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on....... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 All true.... ..........and yes pushing the button for a lift a number of times, does in fact speed it up!! H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRACIE_LOU Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 :d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 still singing twinkle twinkle little star lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jspec Germany Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Tickled Jane's um.... yeah... so he shaves. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? It boosts the signal. Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? One more opportunity to put it to the consumer. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Keeps the ears warm. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Curiousity is what killed the cat. Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? Somebody with a speech impediment. What is the speed of darkness? How fast can Charlie Murphy run? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Not if you feed em whiskey. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? All of them. How many special people drive cars? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? 00 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? Depends on the woman and whether or not the man owns a firearm. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Who needs wheeled luggage on the moon? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? You ever sit on the toilet and stare at your feet? Fun huh? Did you ever stop and wonder...... trying it now nope.. nothing happened Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' You ever watch a calf go to town on some utters? Makes ya think doesn't it Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.' We can blame china for this one. Eggs are required for egg-fried rice. Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? That are a lot of indecent humans in the world. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Who goes in freezer at 2am looking for leftovers? Ok, what normal person does this other than me? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is? You never know where the deaf homo's are lurking... Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? It's part of the foreplay for them. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Pluto stands erect in the morning when he wakes up, and at various times throughout the day, he's just careful to hide it so nobody else sees. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? A testee's big brother If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? Baby corns... If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Usually Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Makes it easier for dumb parents. Stop singing and read on....... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Would you eat Alphabet soup if it had chinese characters in it? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? They get knowledge when their head's out the window and if somebody with bad breath blew in your face, you get upset too. Plus, if you walked around sniffing other dog's asses and piles of shit all day, a bit of fresh air would be nice. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Don't ruin this one for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.