Pete Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Try this one everybody. Saw this on a *** vid. Firmly grab each butt cheek and forcibly pull apart and then launch log out of exit hole. If done right, the brown torpedo should hit the water without touching. No need to wipe. That's fine when you're on solids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 hahahaha, please tell me you don't do that after someone has used it?! nobody really uses it at home. I tried it once but with poor results. It shot a jet of boiling hot water onto my love spuds, through my legs and into my jeans completely missing the bulls-eye. That was the last time I used that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jezz Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 nobody really uses it at home. I tried it once but with poor results. It shot a jet of boiling hot water onto my love spuds, through my legs and into my jeans completely missing the bulls-eye. That was the last time I used that :rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 nobody really uses it at home. I tried it once but with poor results. It shot a jet of boiling hot water onto my love spuds, through my legs and into my jeans completely missing the bulls-eye. That was the last time I used that LMAO:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 A few years ago in my quest for to be a millionaire I invented a revolving brush type cleaner for the old "rusty tea towel holder". I thought If I can get one of these in every crapper I'd be made!! The machine was similar to the that that polishes shoes in posh hotels but the brush was mounted about 3 feet from the ground, the brush on the end was surprisingly soft and gentle. I think the motor speed was a bit high as it only succeeded in sending a spray of shit up your back.!! With this in mind, I then invented the t-shirt fitted with a mud guard!! Never caught on surprisingly!! H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Always a stander, I have inspect what I have nearly busted a blood vessel for. Plus slightly off topic but have you ever wondered (probably not) how really fat people wipe their arse? when their arms are shorter than the circumference of their belly so resulting in thier arms not being able to reach the dirty zone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garetheves Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Thread of the year i think. Personally im a sitter, wipe from the front, using my free hand to move me plums out the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Plus slightly off topic but have you ever wondered (probably not) how really fat people wipe their arse? when their arms are shorter than the circumference of their belly so resulting in thier arms not being able to reach the dirty zone. My auntie used to have a similar problem and she always smelled of shit.!! She wasn't fat! She just had arthritis in her shoulders!! H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Always a stander, I have inspect what I have nearly busted a blood vessel for. Plus slightly off topic but have you ever wondered (probably not) how really fat people wipe their arse? when their arms are shorter than the circumference of their belly so resulting in thier arms not being able to reach the dirty zone. Another reason why really fat people stink And for everyone else: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet - I've learnt something today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 My auntie used to have a similar problem and she always smelled of shit.!! She wasn't fat! She just had arthritis in her shoulders!! H. I shouldn't laugh. This thread has actually made me smile, being at work and having a new Manager that is the spawn of hitler brings you down, but talking shit has helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Plus slightly off topic but have you ever wondered (probably not) how really fat people wipe their arse? Not until now. I'll be sure to ask the next grotesquely over weight person I meet on the street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Not until now. I'll be sure to ask the next grotesquely over weight person I meet on the street. Let me know your findings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Let me know your findings. It's ok. Gauranteed I can run faster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Another reason why really fat people stink And for everyone else: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet - I've learnt something today Warning: Please dry wipe at least once after having a bowel movement and before using the bidet. Excess fecal matter may clog the bidet drain. This can be quite disgusting for someone who uses the bidet after you. This thread has really mad me laugh. I always wanted to ask "how do I use a bidet?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pot Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Some people use bidets to bathe babies. This should not be done unless this is the sole use for the bidet. Quality!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colsoop Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I use 2 sheets- one to buff and one to polish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carl0s Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Always a stander, I have inspect what I have nearly busted a blood vessel for. Plus slightly off topic but have you ever wondered (probably not) how really fat people wipe their arse? when their arms are shorter than the circumference of their belly so resulting in thier arms not being able to reach the dirty zone. Does that mean you wipe from the front? How strange. I wipe from the rear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I use 2 sheets- one to buff and one to polish but you ex army. Don't you guys rip off a small section of bog paper for the finger nail too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Does that mean you wipe from the front? How strange. I wipe from the rear. How do you manage to work that one out? Ok get loads of toilet role crunh it up so you have a rough surface (helps dislodge the hard bits ) put your arm behind you back and start from the bottom of the ass crack and wipe, then procceed to clean properly with more toilet role and then use Johnsons wet wipe things with aloe vera to make absolute sure. If you do it the other way like the sitters you have the risk of getting poo all over your knob sack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pot Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Does anyone else get pins and needles in their legs if they sit on the throne for too long?... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carl0s Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 How do you manage to work that one out? Ok get loads of toilet role crunh it up so you have a rough surface (helps dislodge the hard bits ) put your arm behind you back and start from the bottom of the ass crack and wipe, then procceed to clean properly with more toilet role and then use Johnsons wet wipe things with aloe vera to make absolute sure. If you do it the other way like the sitters you have the risk of getting poo all over your knob sack. No, I do the same, but sitting down. I wipe upwards, from behind. It's just with you saying about fat people trying to reach around their belly. Oooh, I'm not calling you fat BTW It's a roll by the way, not a role Good tip there on the scrunched up paper. I'll give it a go Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 No, I do the same, but sitting down. I wipe upwards, from behind. It's just with you saying about fat people trying to reach around their belly. Oooh, I'm not calling you fat BTW It's a roll by the way, not a role I think deep down you call me FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carl0s Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I think deep down you call me FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 OOohh the horror my complex has come back....................wheres the Häagen-Dazs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cable Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 was a stander then converted to being a sitter albeit leaning to one side. I think it's a valid question tho, it's not as if you get taught how to wipe your ass at school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.