TonyP Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Missed it to, how the **** can you stand up?!?! Your butt is semi closed and you cant get to the coal Ummm. I stand up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 There seems to be no happy medium with me, it either pops out leaving no marks at all, to the point where I begin to wonder if I've even pooed at all with only the slightly dilated sensation to remind me (I'd imagine that it feels similar to being bum-raped in your sleep by a tiny cocked ninja) or ends in some sort of anal eco-disaster that requires a massive clean-up operation, you know, dead sea-birds, tv crews, protestors and shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 There seems to be no happy medium with me, it either pops out leaving no marks at all, to the point where I begin to wonder if I've even pooed at all with only the slightly dilated sensation to remind me (I'd imagine that it feels similar to being bum-raped in your sleep by a tiny cocked ninja) or ends in some sort of anal eco-disaster that requires a massive clean-up operation, you know, dead sea-birds, tv crews, protestors and shit. :rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snooze Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I'd imagine that it feels similar to being bum-raped in your sleep by a tiny cocked ninja Why the F**K would you even "imagine" that ?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 There seems to be no happy medium with me, it either pops out leaving no marks at all, to the point where I begin to wonder if I've even pooed at all with only the slightly dilated sensation to remind me (I'd imagine that it feels similar to being bum-raped in your sleep by a tiny cocked ninja) or ends in some sort of anal eco-disaster that requires a massive clean-up operation, you know, dead sea-birds, tv crews, protestors and shit. Almost in tears reading that, post of the day so far!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrivingTheDream Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 There seems to be no happy medium with me, it either pops out leaving no marks at all, to the point where I begin to wonder if I've even pooed at all with only the slightly dilated sensation to remind me Known in the trade as "ghost" poo's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Types of poo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 There seems to be no happy medium with me, it either pops out leaving no marks at all, to the point where I begin to wonder if I've even pooed at all with only the slightly dilated sensation to remind me (I'd imagine that it feels similar to being bum-raped in your sleep by a tiny cocked ninja) or ends in some sort of anal eco-disaster that requires a massive clean-up operation, you know, dead sea-birds, tv crews, protestors and shit. Why am I clapping a poo description. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Known in the trade as "ghost" poo's. Just what trade, exactly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keancy Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 They were talking about this on Chris Moyles yesterday, quite funny how people do it differently and don't realise anyone else does it the 'wrong' way! When I saw this post I thought ah, someone else was listening to Moyles yesterday morning. Was funny on the radio and even funnier to read here. Quite disturbing too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekymonkey Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Come on guys, learn to use the 3 sea shells, so much easier! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunnyG83 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Lets talk about different poo`s 1st the ghost poo.. you wipe and there is no trace 2nd the cheese grater.. When the poo gets split by a hair:rolleyes: 3rd the deapth charger.. when poo drops in and there is a delay in splash back. 4th the neverending poo. No matter how much you wipe it will never go away What about the "Cappuccino" when is comes out hot and steamy and spluttering all over the pan. Takes atleast 3 Andrex puppies to clean up the aftermath and afterwards you wish that there was a slash cause now your butt feels like a Johnny Cash song Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 comes out hot and steamy and spluttering all over the pan. Like harling the toilet pan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andygood Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Types of poo Nothing clears a hangover like a 'Guinness poo' does... ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbourner Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 Firstly, yes I am bored. Now, related to this thread of old, I never really got an understanding of how many sheets people use, so let us know! Also, is it true that some forces are told to use 1 sheet during a sitting, to keep roll usage down to a minimum? Don't think I could manage it TBH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Ok. No-one seems to want to answer this one so I'll go first. Two lots of 3 sheets folded and then another two sheets if necessary. You must be REALLY bored Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robin Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 How could anyone ever use just one sheet? Even the thickest luxuary toilet roll isnt enough. I just yank the roll and scrunch up whatever comes out. 5-10 sheets usually. Then repeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Depends if it's sloppy or solids. Some days it'll be one sheet of luxury soft double quilted ass cushion, other days it'll be several kitchen rolls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 5 - 10 and ending on the beee day thing. Towards the end I can normally managed a few wipes on the same sheet. Just doing my bit for the environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Beast Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 when i first joined the army we were told use only one sheet and fold it into a square, then tear the corner of and keep it to one side! wipe bum with finger, pull paper off finger to clean it then use the little bit that you tore off to clean under you finger nail!! maybe some of the others can clarify this as to weather they got taught the same in training? richie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 when i first joined the army we were told use only one sheet and fold it into a square, then tear the corner of and keep it to one side! wipe bum with finger, pull paper off finger to clean it then use the little bit that you tore off to clean under you finger nail!! maybe some of the others can clarify this as to weather they got taught the same in training? richie i was just about to right the same thing, been taught the square myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 All I can say is "thank god for baby wipes!";) H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackie Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 WTF are you lot on?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 All I can say is "thank god for baby wipes!";) H. well sometimes you run out of baby wipes in the field and you only get a small pack tissues in the ration packs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 well sometimes you run out of baby wipes in the field and you only get a small pack tissues in the ration packs Oh no Al, I'm talking about in the comfort of my own home. They are always needed if you have a messy arsefest!! If I was out in the field I would imagine I'd drag my arse on the ground like a dog with worms!! H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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