CJ Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Allegedly true quotes by Patient's hospital charts » “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” “Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.” “On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.” “The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.” “The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.” “Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.” “Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.” “The patient refused autopsy.” “The patient has no previous history of suicides.” “Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.” “Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.” “Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.” “Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.” “Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.” “She is numb from her toes down.” “While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.” “The skin was moist and dry.” “Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.” “Patient was alert and unresponsive.” “Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.” “She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.” “I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.” “Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.” “Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (Just how big IS "circus sized"?)..” “The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.” “The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.” “Skin: somewhat pale but present.” “The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.” “Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.” “Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.” “Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Lovely jubbly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kranz Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pot Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 lol - Some great lines in there, and 'undetermined' by snopes http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/doctors.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jevansio Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Some good chuckles there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marco Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GazB Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 “Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Love those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drnas78 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 My stomach hurts after reading that!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Circus sized!!:rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Wilson Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Thank CJ, keep up the good work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyB Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 lol some people! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lbm Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Good read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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