Books

[AndrewOW]

One would think, but the whole book is very anti pope which isn't really what the Vactican would like to see on the big screen.

 

 

Good or bad publicity is still publicity after all

 

Maybe they're hoping for a rebellion or something; or maybe its just a fictional story, one that's bound never to happen

[RedM]

Re: Dan Brown. This is a review written around the time of the Da Vinci Codes release.

 

Harsh but fair.

 

Da Vinci Roulette: April 22, 2004.

 

I've been cornered one time too many by someone earnestly trying to convince me that Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code is a great novel, when it's not. It's a fun read, I suppose; a reasonably interesting premise for a thriller with plenty of interesting factoids (though most of them seemed forcibly shoe-horned into the book) and an overall solid structure. It's the stuff that Hollywood blockbusters are made from, and Code will likely join their ranks in a few short years.

 

But it's not a great novel for one reason, and one reason only: Dan Brown can't write. There, I said it, the emperor has no clothes, there is no Santa Claus and Cousin Marty isn't resting, he's in a mental asylum. Living in a large, glass house, I'm loathe to trash another writer and I told my editors as much, but I've had too many quiet nights with a pint ruined by some moron derailing my silence with, So, have you read The Da Vinci Code? It's awesome…

 

Yes, I've tried… I'm about three quarters of the way through it. It's slow going, what with the blood leaking from my eyeballs every few pages, or having re-read a paragraph or a line of dialogue two or three times to ask myself, did he actually write that? People think this is good? Below are five passages I've quoted, minus the character names; two from the Code and three are not. See if you can tell which were written Dan Brown, and which weren't (answers below):

 

1) They walked past the huge multicolored and vaguely anthropomorphic metal sculpture that stood guard outside the station area. The sculpture always reminded [her] of how she felt after a heavy weekend: split into pieces, one eye by her toes, the other perched on her ear.

 

2) She was moving down the corridor toward them with a long, fluid strides… a haunting certainty to her gait. Dressed casually in a knee-length, cream-colored Irish sweater over black leggings, she was attractive and looked to be about thirty. Her thick burgundy hair fell unstyled to her shoulders, framing the warmth of her face. Unlike the waifish, cookie-cutter blondes that adorned Harvard dorm walls, this woman was healthy with an unembellished beauty and genuineness that radiated a striking personal confidence.

 

3) He relished the unaccustomed silence of the country and the privacy which the garden afforded. It was large, partly walled, and the remainder enclosed by a tangled hedge bordering fields that undulated from down to the village somewhere below. Wild and overgrown though it was, the garden had transmuted neglect into beauty: clematis and honeysuckle toppling over the crumbling brick walls and a confusion of rampant ivy threatening to smother the orchard.

 

4) Two minutes later she was creeping out of the open front door and heading for the path toward the stables. To the left of the gazebo, a heavy iron gate guarded the entrance to the grotto. She'd never been there- it had always been too overgrown- but she'd heard the gardeners clipping it back on her first morning… A quick examination confirmed that the padlock was missing. [she] brushed the orange flakes of rust from her fingers and gave the gate a shove. It swung open with an eerie creak.

 

5) Perfect. Now all that remained was to close and lock the door. Leaving the box on the ground for a moment, he grabbed the metal door and began to heave it closed. As the door swung past him, [he] reached up to grab the single bolt that needed to be slid into place. The door closed with a thud, and [he] quickly grabbed the bolt, pulling it to the left. The bolt slid a few inches and crunched to an unexpected halt, not lining up with its sleeve.

 

 

Paragraphs two and five, above, were both taken from The Da Vinci Code. The first, third and fourth paragraphs are taken from the following: Cheap Trick, by Astrid Fox (Black Lace, 2001); The Reckoning, by Anonymous (Blue Moon, 1998); A Gentleman's Wager, by Madelynne Ellis (Black Lace 2003). As you might have gathered, those last three are soft-core porn paperbacks; Astrid Fox' and Madelynne Ellis are most likely pseudonymns for writers who realized that Anonymous was already taken (is it me, or does Astrid Fox sound like some female superhero's alter ego?).

 

I'm not trying to be cruel, but prove a point. My first measure of a writer is how he or she handles language, and the level of writing in Code is clearly no better than pulp novel pornography. To be fair, there's likely some undiscovered and formidable talent wasting away in some of those little black paperbacks. But as near as I can tell, Code isn't much better than the bulk of those… having skimmed a number of them to find appropriate passages, I noticed that the writing in some of them was noticeably better than Brown's, though the dialogue was terrible in all of them; Brown also shares with his pornographic brethren a penchant for detailed descriptions of churches, museums and gardens, along with many parochial authority figures. The only things keeping Dan Brown from being just another Astrid Fox are a lot of dumbed down history lessons and a lack of spanking.

[chris burford]

Yayy good post Charlotte maybe if we can encourage more people to read good quality literature we can improve the quality of posting on the forum instead of the nonsensical drivel of late lol.

Sorry if i steered slightly off course there but you can but hope.

[CJ]

Yayy good post Charlotte maybe if we can encourage more people to read good quality literature we can improve the quality of posting on the forum instead of the nonsensical drivel of late lol.

Sorry if i steered slightly off course there but you can but hope.

 

I sincerely hope you are not referring to my earlier "personal rant" or "I've found my wallet" threads?

[chris burford]

I sincerely hope you are not referring to my earlier "personal rant" or "I've found my wallet" threads?

Not at all Col more towards the uneducated way people tend to post as though its cool to be thick. Nah wot i iz chatting about lol:d;)

[RedM]

Not at all Col more towards the uneducated way people tend to post as though its cool to be thick. Nah wot i iz chatting about lol:d;)

 

What bugs me more are the people who post up threads asking what thing they should buy. The thing in question is usually expensive and smacks more of 'look at me about to spend some money' than a genuine enquiry.

[CJ]

What bugs me more are the people who post up threads asking what thing they should buy. The thing in question is usually expensive and smacks more of 'look at me about to spend some money' than a genuine enquiry.

 

My bug bear is more of the threads that say "what colour should I paint..." or..."which wheels shall I get"? I am amazed by peoples lack of imagination and desire to come to a decision themselves.

[RedM]

My bug bear is more of the threads that say "what colour should I paint..." or..."which wheels shall I get"? I am amazed by peoples lack of imagination and desire to come to a decision themselves.

 

Hell yeah. It smacks of insecurity. As if they'd hate to turn up to a meet with anything that doesn't have mass approval.

[chris burford]

What bugs me more are the people who post up threads asking what thing they should buy. The thing in question is usually expensive and smacks more of 'look at me about to spend some money' than a genuine enquiry.

Good point i to have often thought that surely if you are about to invest in something quite substantial its better to make your own decision than rely on somebody elses oppinion after all you are the one who has to live with your purchase.

[dangerous brain]

Whats this gotta do with books?? Why don't you geeks go start your own thread

[CJ]

Whats this gotta do with books?? Why don't you geeks go start your own thread

 

The books thing kind of died out so rather than leave it get swallowed up in the depths of off topic past, we thought we would keep it going - albeit with grumpy old men rantings

[AndrewOW]

Re: Dan Brown. This is a review written around the time of the Da Vinci Codes release.

 

Harsh but fair.

 

 

So its sh!t then?!

[CJ]

So its sh!t then?!

 

I think it is what it is - readable but no literary masterpiece.

[RedM]

I think it is what it is - readable but no literary masterpiece.

 

That's about the size of it.

[chris burford]

Whats this gotta do with books?? Why don't you geeks go start your own thread

Sorry i do apologize for the thread hijack so now we have had a little rant each lets get back to books.

Though not the sort of book i normally read i bought Ross Kemp on gangs recently must say im quite enjoying it.

[dangerous brain]

Sorry i do apologize for the thread hijack so now we have had a little rant each lets get back to books.

Though not the sort of book i normally read i bought Ross Kemp on gangs recently must say im quite enjoying it.

 

 

did you see the TV program. I cant see Mr Kemps literary skills being hugely brilliant

[chris burford]

did you see the TV program. I cant see Mr Kemps literary skills being hugely brilliant

Yes i did see the programme but still an eye opener all the same especially the Polish football hooligan gangs.

[Charlotte]

Whats this gotta do with books?? Why don't you geeks go start your own thread

 

Thanks.

 

A question about your books:- do you relate more to the story as a whole or the characters themselves? Like, a plot to a murder, or the detective?

[chris burford]

Thanks.

 

A question about your books:- do you relate more to the story as a whole or the characters themselves? Like, a plot to a murder, or the detective?

Deffinitely to the character i try and put myself in there position and imagine what i would do in that situation.

[RedM]

Deffinitely to the character i try and put myself in there position and imagine what i would do in that situation.

 

That's great when you're reading porn novels.

[dangerous brain]

Thanks.

 

A question about your books:- do you relate more to the story as a whole or the characters themselves? Like, a plot to a murder, or the detective?

 

I used to get completely absorbed into the world I was reading about. I have a very active imagination and good written scenes trigger a departure from this world into the world they are describing. I could try and see what the author was envisaging when he wrote the words. Obviously its an adaptation of the written word (which is why films of a book almost never look like you expect them to). To answer your question though I don't completely follow the character of the book I follow the story and where its going.

[Charlotte]

I just don't know if I'm a mature enough reader.

 

I love reading, I love getting completely absorbed by a well written passage or a description of an amazing scene, or heartbreak of relationship break down etc.

 

But should I be challenging myself more?

[dangerous brain]

Do what? I did most of my reading when I was a teenager/early 20'ser. You derive from reading something that you don't get from other forms of entertainment. Don't be expecting more from yourself in a literary sense. Either read a book and enjoy it or don't... My advice for what its worth is pick up a book and read it. If you get twenty minutes in and its not for you get a different one. There will be a book you find entertaining

[Charlotte]

My advice for what its worth is pick up a book and read it.

 

I do every night. I just want to learn more. Maybe.

[dangerous brain]

Do an OU course then lol