Jump to content
The mkiv Supra Owners Club

Xmas Give-away 2007 #4

mawby

By mawby
in Club News and Membership

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 995
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

keancy Newbie

keancy

Posted
Posted
Currently listening to Lee Evans on Youtube at work, can you do that?[/Quote]

 

Can look and read but nothing with sound realy as people in next office would hear and stich me up no doubt. :(

 

 

And I am dumped. :rlol:

 

AAwwww, nooooooooo James never!!! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Gaz6002 Newbie

Gaz6002

Posted
Posted

Here you go Keancy:-

 

Tommy Cooper Jokes

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

 

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

 

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

 

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

 

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

 

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

 

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

 

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

 

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

 

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

 

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name. It's P something T something R.

 

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

 

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

 

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.

He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

 

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

 

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?"

I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

 

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"

I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

 

I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

 

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

 

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

 

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.

I thought that's Aboriginal.

 

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

 

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

 

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

 

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

 

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

 

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?"

He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman Forever?"

He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mcgoo Newbie

Mcgoo

Posted
Posted
Here you go Keancy:-

 

Tommy Cooper Jokes

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

 

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

 

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

 

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

 

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

 

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

 

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

 

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

 

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

 

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

 

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name. It's P something T something R.

 

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

 

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

 

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.

He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

 

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

 

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?"

I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

 

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"

I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

 

I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

 

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

 

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

 

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.

I thought that's Aboriginal.

 

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

 

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

 

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

 

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

 

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

 

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?"

He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman Forever?"

He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

 

:rlol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
keancy Newbie

keancy

Posted
Posted

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

 

 

Someone speak to me then??

 

 

 

 

:D Only kidding, that one made me chuckle, Thanks x

 

Here you go Keancy:-

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. You might also be interested in our Guidelines, Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.