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Xmas Give-away 2007 #1


mawby

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Guest suprabass

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

 

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

 

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

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It's 1234!!!!

 

The stone retains heat during the day and releases it at night which can have an effect of hastening the ripening of grapes. The stones can also serve as a protective layer on the ground to help retain moisture in the soil during the dry summer months.

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Guest suprabass

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

 

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

 

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

 

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

 

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

 

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

 

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

 

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

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Guest suprabass

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

 

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

 

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

 

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

 

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

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Guest suprabass

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

 

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

 

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

 

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

 

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my d**k this way!"

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