Jump to content
The mkiv Supra Owners Club

Bill Prawn

Club Members
  • Posts

    2664
  • Joined

Everything posted by Bill Prawn

  1. Hi, Saw your soop three times on Saturday. Had to pimp it in the end. Live local to Kettering
  2. Do a search for mkv and you will find all you need
  3. Been to this for the last two years. Great fun and very spectacular.
  4. The difference in definition between "guts" and "balls"! Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."
  5. A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED, must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person." On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said: "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!" The old man smiled: "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted: "You don't have any arms either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently: "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said "I rang the doorbell didn't I ?"
  6. A nun rushes into the Mother Superior and announces: "Mother, we have just had our first case of gonorrhea." To which the Mother Superior looked up smiling and said: "Thank the Lord I was getting fed up with Chablis."
  7. what a loser he can't even get his knee down :thumbdown
  8. B 19 OST (Which is a really poor version of BOOST) is on DVLA's site at 399
  9. I had a phone call to inform me that someone had died. To which I replied without thinking: "You're joking" In hindsight not the best response
  10. I have the chance of B 6 OST (BOOST) What do you guys think it's worth or would be willing to pay?
  11. I just had to put it up. What a legacy this man has left, no need to be sad at his passing because he conjures up so much mirth and enjoyment.
  12. In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer. CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go. (Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie) BARKER: Four Candles! CORBETT: Four Candles? BARKER: Four Candles. (Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter) BARKER: No, four candles! CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles! BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks! (Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next? BARKER: Got any plugs? CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs? BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom. (Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter) CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size? BARKER: Thirteen amp! CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs! (He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away) BARKER: Saw tips! CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that? BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws. CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next? BARKER: 'O's! CORBETT: 'O's? BARKER: 'O's. (He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter) BARKER: No, 'O's! CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's! (He places the hose onto the counter) BARKER: No, 'O's! CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him) BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's! CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there! (He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's) CORBETT: How many d'you want? BARKER: Two. (Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter) CORBETT: Yes, next? BARKER: Got any P's? CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want? BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas! CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on? BARKER: I'm not! (Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas) CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next? BARKER: Got any pumps? CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on! BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps! CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere. (He puts the pump down on the counter) BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine! CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on! BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not! CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next? BARKER: Washers! CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers? BARKER: 'Alf inch washers! CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there! JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two? (He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)
  13. Belongs to a member on here called Sedge.
  14. The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP -Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those." "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes." Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP." "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
  15. Fly back on Sunday. Qatar is ok, Kuala Lumpur was mega and Tokyo was cool. But I need to be back home now, three weeks away
  16. Didn't see that. I've not been on much here in Qatar
  17. George Bush is called to an emergency meeting at the White House and is told that two Brazillian soldiers have been killed. At this news the President slumps in his chair looking totally dejected. He finally regains his composure and looks at the assembled group and says: "This is tragic news but what I need to know is how many are there a Brazillion?"
  18. thanks for the invite, biy I'll be in Australia
  19. Spotted in Kuala Lumpur.. Dreams of being a Soop me thinks And what stunning wheel trims
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. You might also be interested in our Guidelines, Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.