Bill Prawn

I've eaten Reindeer (sorry Santa) very strong meat. Plus I ordered crocodile once and told the waiter to be snappy about it

This is what pisses me off about this site. Mark, obviously hadn't seen this and neither had I. Yet all other people can do is snipe and bitch about reposting. If it's a repost so what? Some of us don't have the time to read every thread and I for one am happy that he put it up again. Well done Mark

That is totally awesome

Shall I get me coat?

Can't read it for all the dust on the screen

WARNING - It's a groaner, but funny. A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief but takes a loan form out of her drawer. "May I please have your name?" The frog puffs himself up proudly. "Kermit Jagger, my dad is Mick Jagger and I'm a friend of the bank manager." Pattie's eyes widen, but she continues filling in the application. "Mr. Jagger, you will need to secure the loan with some collateral." "I have this," the frog says and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Pattie blinks at the elephant several times. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to consult with the manager on this." She takes the elephant and disappears into a back office. Pattie walks up to the manager. "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "What in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her with a straight face. "It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

mmmmm fishnets.............................. Err sorry went off on one there

Don't mention trawling to a prawn Have you no common sense?

OBITUARY The sad passing of common sense. Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable sessions as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, why life isn't always fair and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 yr old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion, or a sticky plaster to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant, and wanted to have an abortion. Common sense lost the will to live after the 10 commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by 3 step-children, I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I Am A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few knew he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not join the majority and do nothing.

It just shows the frailties of the system doesn't it and stop being so pedantic

Have done twice. 400 London

I did a search for 400 London and it never came up so your remark is a bit worthless

Part 2

As I'm in the Czech Republic I thought this would be apt. A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters C Z W X N Q S T A C Z "Can you read this?" the optician asks. "Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy."

Deleted as it was a Which just shows the search button doesn't always work as I did a search for it There is a part 2 today

Here you are

Some times not sure what I get from the site anymore or contribute to it. What like a commode?

Is that Charlotte then? I thought she was your girl

It's still black.

12 days till my membership expires, should I stay or not? Not sure yet. Not sure the forum is a s good as it was or if I have the time to be on here. Maybe just feeling sad for myself as I've not had the car for most of the summer. I'll let you guys decide

After another five weeks away the Soop will be back in my sweaty little mitts tomorrow (Mon 16th). It has been resprayed and sorted out by Envy and I hope it is tip-top. Bit excited as I've missed it. How sad is that? Update on finished article when it returns.

Brilliant

A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she decided to go for a walk when she was shot in the stomach. The Doctor said the children would be fine but they would each have a bullet inside them. It was sixteen years later when one of her girls came down and said that when she had a shit she found a bullet so the mum explained the story. A bit later her second daughter came down and said when she went for a piss she found a bullet, so for the second time she explained the story. All of a sudden her son came down in a right state. His mum turned around and said "Don't tell me: you went to the toilet and found a bullet". He then turned back and said "No, I was having a wank and I shot the dog!"

The 100th post was the most truthful I have ever read;)

Don't know what you are saying;)