Dearest T,
As I said on PM number 23 late last night, Charlotte and I have a purely plutonic relationship since I realised she was double dating most of Aston Villa football team (excluding the goalie and one of the three linesmen - you know, the one with the gammy leg and toupee).
I pulled out when I saw that you were bringing a man called "Beans" I mean he may be a big hairy brute who's jealous and handy with his huge hairy fists and as you know, I'm a lover, not a fighter !
So unless you can lose him (could you just throw him a steak down the back of the beer garden or something) you will have to wait for the R-R's and U-D's, OK my love.
I'm quite obviously devastated not to be meeting you, but the anticipation will make the eventual culmination of our desires reach even more heady heights
Yours Disappointedly
G