Just got emailed these today!!!! cheeky bitch:p
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you
really badly. She said -Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's,were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy
came to them and said that because they had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the
noose.
_________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
__________________________________
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around
him.
OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about
the screwing part.
_________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
__________________________________
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
___________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
_____________________________________
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
__________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
