An American tourist was lost in the English countryside when he saw a farmer in a field of cows and stopped to ask directions.
While they were talking, our Yank friend asked the farmer . . .
"So Buddy, how much of this land is yours?"
"Oh, up to that big old oak tree yonder and from that hedgerow on the left across to the stone wall over on the right" the old farmer replied.
"Pffft, call that a ranch?" the Merkin said "On my ranch back in Texas, I can leave the house at sunrise and drive in straight line all day and by sunset I haven't reached the edge of my land!"
"Aye," said the old farmer. . . "I used to have a car like that"