michael

I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs Pain. Order up some violent quiche. You want some?

Later on, there'll be an aquatic display at 3.30 and again at 5.30. I'll be, myself, participating in that as a porpoise jockey, in the porpoise derby. I don't know if you've ever seen a man ride a porpoise but it can be quite thrilling; quite a thrilling sight for a... young lady to see.

See, they're not really a man's eyes, they're more like a cockerel's eyes, embedded in a man's face...

It was a terrible thing, he tripped over some cobwebs

You seen my downstairs mix-up. How's that for a first date?

It took me one day to grow this moustache.

I'm at a dairy full of the white liquid devil juice, how much do you need? Why are you people so small? I can rest my drinks on your heads.

Last time you gave me pie, I cut into it with my tiny pie-cutter, and millions of birds flew out, hitting me in the eyes and the temples! I was confused! T'was a trick pie!

My Pen is Huge Some say he's aquired the taste of human meat, won't respond to conventional bait; only way to hook him is to use a child's toe.

Ahh, hand sheaths! Never before have I felt the soft contours of my face. Never have I lightly caressed the angular frame that is my torso. Oh, this is great! Now I can love myself... Glove love! Glove love!

You wanna know about my thumb do ya boy? Intrigue ya does it boy? My Thumb? Let me tell ya 'bout it. I come from a long line of hitchhikers, all with bleedin' masive thumbs. You see the thumb its a tremendous boon to the hitchhiker, helps with work. Ya know what I mean? Only problem was, when I was a child, my thumb was tiny. Not just tiny like a single sugar puff, Disgusting! Even my own mother would reel back in horror, like an anaconda, 'Aagh! What is it!? Get it out of here! It's tiny! It's horrible, it's revolting! Take your tiny thumb and get out of here and never darken my door again!' she'd say. I had to leave the family unit, in search of a miracle. I wandered the streets, looking for the answer. And people told me of a magic shaman: part man, part hornet. So I went looking for him. I went everywhere. I combed the universe in search of the stripy insect shaman. Turns out he was in a local primary school, in the bin, reeling about with the apple cores. Like they do. And I stood there, with my thumb out, and he stung it, and he stung it. He grabbed onto it, it was like he was making love to it with his sting. In and out, in and out, more and more! Oh the pus, the pain, the black voodoo, the wet jigsaw puzzle! I didn't know what was happening. Oh for days I was in a trance. But when I came to, there it was. Like a fleshy maraca! A thumb of gigantic proportion! 'A miracle!' I said, 'A miracle, you're a true wizard! How can I ever repay ya?' And he said to me, 'Five hundred euros.' 'Five hundred euros!? You won't see penny one from me you s14g!' And as I raised my thumb up, to smash his tiny skull in I could see in his little insect face, could see him thinkin', 'Oh, I created that monster! I created that thumb! And now it's killing me! My own beastly creation, killin' me dead. The sweet irony.' I think he was sayin' that, although it was a long time ago. And in hindsight, he coulda just been poopin' himself.

My hose is kinked

Hkey_current_user

EOleSysError

It was a bag of snakes.

not yet

No

Machine has crashed and gave white screen, now when the machine is booting up it goes to selct boot mode but no matter what is chosen i.e. last good config but the machine simply reverts back to the selection screen. *sigh*

Generic

Syndrome

Sorry I removed it last night, I presumed you'd either got it or it was too late anyway

When I win I'll only keep a couple of the bits and give the rest out to other members.

And again.

Woot! (You should change the rules so that people like me who just plough in and start posting get disqualified )

Wa wa wee woo!