Few more from the site:
"I've just read Viz issue 173, and believe me, it was a laugh a minute. Mind you, I'm a speed reading expert, and I got through the f****r in 90 seconds."
"I saw a man putting a plastic bag of dogs**t in a bin on a lamp post the other day. A sign on the bin read 'Advertise Your Business Here.' Well, I for one cannot think of a business that could possibly benefit from an association with bins of dogs**t on lamp posts."
"What a load of rubbish these modern so-called comedy programmes are these days. They are usually full of swearing and filth and are just not funny. What ever happened to proper comedies, like the one set in that shop with the s**t-stabber and the woman with the blue hair who was always always talking about her c**t?"
"The news that Tony Blair is set to publish his memoirs for £5m fills me with disgust. What a ludcrous price for a book. I for one will be waiting until it comes out in paperback."
"I couldn't believe my luck the other day when I received an envelope on which were printed the words 'Check Inside. You Could Already Have Won Half A Million Pounds.' And sure enough, there inside the envelope was half a million pounds in crisp new £50 notes."
"In Boots the other day I saw some packets of Immodium in the last minute impulse-buy rack by the till. Now chewing gum I can understand, but you've either got chonic diarrohea or you haven't."
!It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system."
"I knitted a jumper for my husband this Christmas, but I couldn't shake off a nagging feeling that I'd gone wrong somewhere. I was sure it was the right size and his favourite colour. I realised my mistake when I came to give it him his gift on Christmas Day - I suddenly remembered that he died in 1973."
"Doctors say that you should eat 5 pieces of fruit or veg a day to remain healthy. Last week I ate 5 mouldy plums and that night I shat the bed. What's healthy about that? "
"I'm a terrorist, and when ID cards come into force I will probably employ great cunning and not declare that as my job. I'll probably say I'm a grocer or something."
"How lucky for the mystery man found wandering on the Isle of Sheppey that he was a virtuoso on the piano. Had he been a maestro on the cymbals and stood clashing them together all day, I doubt his carers would have been as impressed."