You know you're a pikey when.....
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. You wonder which football top and tracksuit bottoms to wear this week
7. You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
9. Your School Dance had a crèche.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
13. Your engagement and wedding rings are full sovereigns from Argos.
14. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge'.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same year.
17. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos
18. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
19. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
20. You dated one of your parents' current spouses in school.
21. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
22. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
